Dream of: 08 October 2009 "Grotesque"
I was in the basement of a house (which resembled the 29th Street House, where my mother used to live), taking care of my brother Chris (probably 13-14 years old). Chris and I were lying in a bed together, and due to his muscular dystrophy, he could hardly move. I reflected that I should be nicer to him when I was taking care of him. Although I took good care of him, I didn't take time to be nice to him. I needed to give him more attention instead of simply being with him.
As I lay on the bed, I realized it was almost 11 p.m. My mother, who had left earlier in the day, hadn't returned, and I didn't know where she was. I thought I needed to find my cell phone (which was somewhere in the house) and call her. I thought I heard a car pull up in front of the house, and I figured I would soon hear the garage door open and my mother would drive into the basement. But the garage door didn't open.
I stood up out of the bed and as I walked up the basement stairs, I could hear Chris moaning, apparently to simply let me know he was there. I said, "Shhhh," loudly, telling him to be quiet. It was dark when I reached the top of the stairs. As I began searching around the first floor, I had the feeling my mother was somewhere in the house and suddenly I saw her standing in front of me in the living room. Dressed in white (probably in her early 30s), she was beautiful. Thinking I might simply sleep with her for the rest of the night, I reached out, grabbed one of her breasts and began squeezing it. She pulled away, walked over to the couch, and lay down on her back. Enflamed, I walked over to her and I asked her where she had been. She told me she had been with a man whom I knew and whom she had been dating for a while. I asked her if she "got fucked," and she nonchalantly said, "Yea."
I told her that I thought I would "fuck" her now. She quickly made it clear that she didn't want to do that. She indicated she had already had sex once today and she didn't want to do it again. She started talking about how "that stuff" was still in her. I knew she was talking about sperm. She said it "kind of hides in there." Reflecting more, I thought it might be better to wait until the following day to have sex with her. If I had sex with her now, I thought I might even catch AIDS from my own mother. That would be grotesque. As much as I wanted to have sex with her, I thought it might be best if I didn't.
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