Dream of: 29 July 2009 "Conflict"

While my father and I were sitting across from each other at a table in a restaurant, I mused about how I had been contemplating becoming a monk. Such contemplation, however, was complicated by my desire to have a woman at the same time. The conflict had been eating away at me. I discussed the problem with my father, who had decided to take me to a monastery where I could stay for a while, a monastery where the monks dressed in brown robes.

As we talked, a monk draped in a brown robe walked up to the table on my right. He resembled the diminutive character Vizzini (played by the actor Wallace Shawn in the movie The Princess Bride). He stood and listened as my father and I talked. When the monk finally seemed to want to say something to me, he asked me to scoot over, which I did, and he scooted in beside me. He began talking and I enjoyed listening to him. As he spoke, he moved around on top of the table so he was lying down on the table with his face right in front of mine. He finally reached the point he wanted to make. He said that he had talked to many people and that he had learned that one thing bothered men like me who had these kind of spiritual inclinations. He then reached down and grabbed my penis. I immediately knew he was saying that the pain was caused by masturbation. I admitted that masturbation caused me pain, that I wanted to stop and that I intended to stop.

I still had the conflict about becoming a monk and having a woman at the same time. I didn't know if that was possible, but that was my hope. I knew having a woman and being a monk contemporaneously would present difficulties. I became emotional and I blurted out, "I want a woman so much -- one in particular."

The woman in particular to whom I was referring was Michelle.

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