Dream of: 22 July 2005 "About To Cry"

While I was in Portsmouth, Ohio, my father (only about 30 years old) told me that he wanted me to take a ride with him somewhere. He said the place he wanted to go was an hour and half away. I had the feeling he was talking about someplace near my childhood home of West Salem, Ohio. I was reluctant because I had planned to do something else today. Nevertheless, because he seemed so adamant, I stood up and began walking with him toward his car, which apparently was parked behind the Portsmouth public library.

As we walked through the library yard, I noticed my old college professor Rembert Glass standing near the library. My father immediately walked over to Rembert. I knew my father was going to tell Rembert that he (my father) wanted me to do something with him (my father), even though my father knew that Rembert had wanted me to do something today with him (Rembert). I directed my gaze toward the rear of the library and continued walking. I could sense that Rembert was about to cry when he learned that I was going with my father. Rembert thought that I was making a mistake and that I should be doing something else, but Rembert didn't try to stand in my way, even though he expressed his regret to my father.

As I continued walking, I was surprised to see my ex-wife Louise (25-30 years old) walking into the library. I quickly changed course and followed her. Once inside, I saw Louise sitting in a chair in a huge room. She had short brown hair and was sitting near the doorway. Two or three other women were also sitting in the room. I quickly concluded that Louise was working there and I realized that she must have moved to Portsmouth. It seemed as if I had previously heard that she had moved to Portsmouth and that she was living there, but I had never seen her there before. How strange it seemed that she would be living in Portsmouth, especially since I also was again moving to Portsmouth. I hoped she wouldn't think I was following her, because I wasn't. After all, this was my home town.

I thought of walking into the room in front of Louise and the other women and just floating up into the air above them. I could hang up above them, with my arms spread out, like Christ hanging on the cross. They would probably be terrified. Since I felt a bit uncomfortable about floating in front of the women, however, I simply walked over to Louise and said to her, "Its so weird seeing you here in my home town."

I didn't want her to get the idea that I was following her around, but it did seem strange that she had moved to Portsmouth, and that I was also moving back there. She seemed embarrassed to see me there. I sat down next to her. I was so close I could feel on my right cheek her short brown hair which fell down to her chin.

Apparently a class was going to take place in the room and she was going to teach the class. Apparently this was her job and she did it every day. The class was about soybeans. I told her that I was interested in the subject and that I would like to stay and watch, but that I had to go somewhere today. I told her, however, I would like to know more about soybeans.

We stood up and walked around as we talked. She seemed embarrassed about the work she was doing. We stopped and looked at each other in the eyes. I asked her if I could see her again. She looked as if she would like to see me again, but she also looked shocked that I would say something like that. She said, "You don't stop thinking about me, do you."

I answered, "No."

She asked incredulously, "You want it to be like it was?"

I hesitated because I knew that I was married to Carolina. Nevertheless, I answered, "Yes."

I had the feeling that she would also like to see me again, but that she didn't know what to do about it because it seemed impossible that we could ever get back together. But I wanted to be with her so badly. I said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

She answered, "Ok."

She turned away so I couldn't see her face and she walked away from me. She seemed shook up. I thought she had turned away because she was about to cry.

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