Dream of: 23 April 2005 "Feeling Badly"

Carolina, my mother and I in were in the living room of the Gallia County Farmhouse. I was gathering up some of my things to move out of the Farmhouse. I was hoping to move my stuff out while my father wasn't there, since I didn't want to see him. I didn't expect him there today, thus I was surprised when I looked out the window and saw a gray SUV pulling a blue sports car coming down the road. I knew my father was driving the SUV. Apparently he had just bought the sports car and he was pulling it out to the Farm. I was dismayed to see him and I knew I would now have to leave. Once he had parked, he walked in through the kitchen door and said, "Hello, Steven."

My grandmother Mabel (around 60 years old) and my sister were with him (he looked in his mid 40s). They all stood around the kitchen.  I could tell that my father was glad I was there and that I was welcome to stay, even though he didn't say anything else to me, but I was determined to leave.

I walked over to my grandmother and hugged her. She sensed something was wrong, and she wanted to know if it had anything to do with her. I blurted out, "I feel badly toward you."

Then I told her I felt badly toward all of them. She wanted to know why. I told her I felt badly toward her because she had given the entire Farm to my father and now he wasn't going to give any of the Farm to me. She seemed stunned, as if that hadn't been her intention. My father didn't say anything, and his silence seemed to confirm what I had said. My sister also remained silent, obviously pleased with the situation since she thought if I didn't receive any of the Farm, she might receive a bigger portion.

I wanted to leave as quickly as I could. I walked back into the living room and I gathered up my things from the floor. Then I walked upstairs to the front corner bedroom to finish packing.  My father followed me up to the bedroom and he began asking me some questions about someone. Abruptly I realized the man asking me the questions wasn't my father at all, but a step-relative whom I didn't even know. He said something about his having a relationship with a woman and that the two of them could tell when the other was lying. He then said he didn't understand why my father hadn't slapped me when I had said what I had downstairs. I understood why my father hadn't slapped me: my father knew I would no longer allow him to slap me without my slapping him back.

I was in a hurry. I just wanted out of there.

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