Dream of: 21 June 2004 "Outsider"

I was in a library and walked out to the front desk. A thin black-haired woman (probably in her mid 30s) was sitting behind the desk. She had fetching eyes but still wasn't terribly attractive. She immediately looked at me and asked me about the bump on my head. I felt my forehead. I had previously thought I had a bump somewhere on my head, but I had been unable to find it. The woman acted as if the bump were large, but I still couldn't locate it.

The woman began talking about how I was different from other people (her observation might have had something to do with the bump and my being unable to find it). I agreed and I understood what she was saying, I tried to think of the word to describe myself. My old classmate from high school, Duff, came to mind. I recalled that he had become involved in something called "Outsider Art," and I also recalled having looked through a book entitled "Outsider Art." I liked the phrase, and I asked the woman if "Outsider" was the word she was looking for to describe me. She indicated that "Outsider" was the right word, and I felt satisfied with the word.

I told her that being an outsider had certain advantages. For example (I said) people didn't tell an outsider what to do. I corrected myself and told her people still told an outsider what to do, but the outsider didn't have to listen to them.

I turned and walked back into the library and looked at all the people sitting there. I was different from them -- an outsider, but I still had something in common with these regular people: sex. Their sex lives seemed so bland -- but so did mine. I regularly had sex, as they did, but the sex wasn't exciting and wild. I would rather have exciting sex. I could sense Donna Griffiths in the library. I could probably have sex with her, but sex with her wouldn't be exciting. I wanted something uplifting -- beyond normal sex. I wanted something far different from what all these regular people experienced.

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