Dream of: 20 August 2003 "Ashamed Of Myself"
I had been appointed attorney for a defendant in a court in a neighboring county from where I lived. I was in the courthouse and had already met my client – a thin black man (about 50 years old). The case involved a traffic accident; but I knew little more about it. After my client and I had talked for a while, I became aware that the trial had already begun in the adjoining room.
I walked in and sat down next to the judge, who was sitting on a couch, listening to a black man giving his testimony.
I was disconcerted. I had already missed the testimony of one black man, and now I had missed half the testimony of this witness. Why had someone not announced that the trial had begun?
I looked at the judge (only about 30 years old). He was black-haired and slightly pudgy. He had appointed me to this case – and I hadn't even met him yet. Was he upset because I hadn't been present for all the testimony? I felt thoroughly unprepared. I hadn't even known the trial would take place today. I hadn't prepared the questions I would ask my client and was not even sure whether he should testify. Of course, if he did testify, I could probably formulate questions as I proceeded.
The black man finished testifying and the judge dismissed him. The judge turned his attention to me. He seemed quite friendly and utterly unconcerned that I had missed some of the testimony. He even showed me the notes he had taken of the testimony. He said he would be back in a few minutes and gave me the notes to look at while he was gone.
After the judge had stood and walked out of the room, I became more aware of the woman who was sitting to my right. She had short blonde hair and was about 30 years old. She seemed to have been waiting for the judge to leave. I turned my face to her – she was right next to me. Our lips approached and touched. She opened her mouth – I opened mine – our tongues touched. We kissed – two, three seconds – I abruptly broke away.
What was I doing? I didn't know this woman. What if she had some kind of disease? What if I infected Carolina? And had I detected the slight taste of tobacco in the woman's mouth? Disgusting. I stood to walk out of the room, ashamed of myself.
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