Dream of: 17 October 2002 "Disorganized"

I was sitting in a sparsely filled auditorium. A disorganized discussion about the history of Marxism was taking place. Sometimes someone would stand on the stage at the front of the auditorium and speak; other times someone in the audience would say something. No one seemed to believe in Marxism; the discussion simply seemed aimed to edify. No one seemed to believe in anything. Political groups and organized religions were soundly criticized.

Did I belong here? Maybe so; I had no political or religious affiliations and like these people, I disdained politics and organized religions. However, these people might be too off-beat even for me. Young men (in their 20s and 30s) prevailed; only a scattering of women. Everyone was dressed in out-of-style clothing, mostly somber-colored. They didn't look like the type of people with whom I would normally associate; yet an enticing vibrancy filled the room. I longed to meet people whose minds weren't warped by mindless ideologies. I even liked the looks of a few of them; they were plain ordinary-looking people but not ordinary at all. Obviously they shunned the ordinary.

As the meeting began to break up, a carnival atmosphere began to prevail. Many more people were here than I had realized, perhaps thousands. I would like to stay for a while.

I stepped closer to a couple of fellows and exchanged a few words. They were talking about how they would sometimes go to political gatherings of the organized political parties and how they had ended up in fist fights at those parties. One husky fellow particularly fascinated me. He indicated he could hold his own in a fist fight; I thought I might like to be his friend. He was willing to fight against the ignorance of political parties; I liked that. Someone mentioned that another meeting of this group was going to take place in Austin, Texas. I wondered if I might help organize the meeting. Surely they would need lawyers.

Several fellows gravitated toward one of the few women in the crowd and I followed; I was interested in what a woman here might have to say. She seemed as dedicated to free thought at the men. I would like to talk to her. But right now I wanted to talk more to the husky fellow. However, when I turned back to look for him, he had disappeared in an ever-growing crowd. I walked about aimlessly, hoping to find him again.

I was unsuccessful in my search; but someone else caught my attention: lying on the ground perhaps 10 meters from me was an attractive black-haired woman (about 30 years old); I had noticed her earlier. She was wearing a gray dress which was pulled up enough in front so I could see her dark pubic region. She was looking right at me; apparently she wanted me to talk with her. I began walking toward her. Already I could imagine having sex with her. Would she want to do so right here in front of all these people? I was uncertain I would be so bold. But I might.

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