Dream of: 11 January 2001 "Mentioning Church"

Moon (a Dallas attorney with whom I had attended law school) and I were in a law office. A big party was going on in the office and it looked as if Moon and I were simply going to spend the night there. We had already been there quite a while and we hadn't eaten anything. I thought about eating some potato chips. Then I saw a can of Vienna sausage. Finally I picked up a round glazed donut and ate it. It was fresh and delicious. I went back for a second one - this time I picked up a cake donut. Some men (in their 20s) had brought in the donuts and I thought they were free, but I was uncertain the rest of the food was free.

I asked Moon if he were working now. He didn't say anything and I had the feeling he wasn't working. I thought his not working would be good for him because he had always been so caught up in his work. He even seemed to have changed quite a bit just during the time we had been there. He seemed wound up in himself, as if he were passing through some spiritual dilemma.

We started talking about our old law school classmate Leah and I asked Moon if he thought Leah was pretty. Moon said he thought she was attractive. I said I had always thought she was homely. I'd always thought that. What was strange, I told Moon, was that I had had dreams about Leah in which I had found her to be very attractive. I had even had sexual feelings toward her in my dreams. When I now tried to envision her, she did seem attractive to me, even though I had always found her homely. I tried to explain to Moon that I interpreted my dreams as indicating I had a spiritual attraction toward Leah. In the end she had become attractive to me spiritually.

I wanted to ask Moon about religion. I thought he was a religious person because it seemed he had mentioned church before and I thought maybe he even went to church. I had never heard him talk about God and I wanted to bring up the subject of God with him. It seemed this was a subject about which Moon needed to talk.

Before I could bring up the subject, however, I found myself, moving toward the back of the office, as if something were pulling me back there. I walked to the back to take a look and found myself moving into an outside area. A few other people were also there, also moving in the same direction. I had the feeling if I kept going, I would be led to a spiritual revelation.

I continued on. It was snowing, and I began sliding on the snow, down the side of a hill. I thought Moon should have come, but he had stayed behind. I wondered where I was being led, and then, up ahead of me, I saw a cemetery. I knew I was somewhere in Texas, and I thought stopping and reading the tombstones would be interesting. The words "how fitting" crossed my mind. How fitting that I had been led to a cemetery. I passed through the cemetery without stopping.

College-aged kids were milling about and as I passed through them and began climbing a hill, a college-age girl climbed onto my back. She stayed on my back, and as I climbed upward, at a definite point the hill turned into bleachers. 

I reached a point where I had to pull myself up onto a concrete ledge. Other young college-age kids were pulling themselves up with ease, but I had to really struggle and I wondered if everybody looked at me and realized I just wasn't as strong as I used to be.

People were sitting around in the bleachers all over the place. The girl on my back said, "There's Steve." She was talking about some fellow she had seen in the bleachers whose name was "Steve." I said, "I don't know who Steve is."

Only after I had spoken did I think to myself that "Steve" was also my name. It seemed somehow fitting that I had said, "I don't know who Steve is."

I didn't know why the girl was on my back, but when I reached the top of the bleachers, she climbed off. She looked at me and I looked at her. Probably in her early 20s, she wasn't beautiful. Her teeth were a bit yellow, not real white. Nevertheless, she was still quite attractive. I thought as soon as she looked at me more closely she would realize how old I was and she wouldn't be interested. Instead she was definitely interested in me. We talked for a few minutes and she moved her face toward me as if she wanted to kiss me. I didn't want to kiss her. I hadn't kissed anybody like that in a long time and I wasn't just going to kiss a stranger. So, instead, I just held her in my arms as she said, "Isn't this exciting?"

I replied, "Well, it certainly is different."

I could hear people whistling. I held her in my arms, pulled her close to me, and put my hands on her back. Holding her felt good. I could feel  her breasts pressing against me. I thought I was older and I knew what I was doing. I was a lot more experienced than she, but I didn't intend to have sex with her; this was probably as far as it was going to go for right now. 

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