Dream of: 22 July 1999 "Killing A Spider"
I was on a date with a woman whom I hadn't known long. She was about 30 years old and quite attractive. I thought I liked her, but I wasn't yet certain anything would come of my relationship with her. To really know how I felt about her would take such a long time. I had an idea how I might start to discover whether I cared about her: I thought I might tell her a secret about myself.
I thought to myself that I had many secrets, and that I should pick a relatively innocuous one. Telling her the secret would serve as a test. If she kept the secret, I would have learned that I might be able to trust her with more secrets. However, if she divulged the secret to someone else, I wouldn't be badly damaged, since I would have picked a secret which would cause me little problem if known.
We were planning to go to a movie and we were already walking around the mall-like area where the theater was to be found. Directly connected to the mall was the towering house in which I lived. Except for the bottom floor, (which contained the mall), the upper stories of the house (of which there were many) closely resembled the Gay Street House (the large Victorian house in Portsmouth where my father had lived since 1964). Leaving the mall area and walking upstairs to the rooms of the house would be easy. My secrets were lodged in the rooms of the house. Already I had decided on the secret which I was going to tell – one which was in the attic of the house.
I was still a bit hesitant to divulge this secret. I really didn't want anyone to know. I didn't know how the woman would react, but I was going to do it, I was going to tell her that I … collected toys.
I knew I had many different collections of things. Hardly anyone knew of my collections, and no one knew of my collection of toys. I was curious as to how the woman might react. I was afraid she would only disdain and disparage me once she found out, but there was always the chance she might find my collections interesting. I felt the need to know what she would think, the need to divulge to her this secret. I told her to wait for me and I said that I had something to show her. I hurried off upstairs, but before going to the attic, I stopped in my bedroom and tidied it up.
I picked up some trash on the floor and spent a few minutes trying to kill a spider running around the edge of the room.
I intended to ascend to the attic and bring back down one of the boxes of toys and show it to the woman there in my room. After the room was tidy enough, I continued on to the attic. When I reached the attic (which looked just like the huge attic of the Gay Street House), I saw all the boxes and containers and double briefcases which I had neatly arranged in the attic, all bulging with toys. I walked over to one section and picked up a large double briefcase. I knew in the many boxes in this section were the fast food toys, all neatly arranged in hundreds of different sets which had been distributed by fast food chains.
I opened the briefcase and pondered the colorful contents, letting my fingers run over the little figures and toy cars. I dallied for several minutes, distracted by my treasure. Suddenly I remembered I had to close this briefcase and hurry back to the woman. I became a bit confused, forgetting exactly where I had left her. Had I left her near the theater in the mall, or had I left her in my room? If I had left her in my room, had I also left open a box of toys in my room which she might have found and even now be looking at? I felt nervous. What was she going to think?
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