Dream of: 21 December 1998 "Zen"
Driving a sleek red car, I was speeding through a forested area, not on the road, but right through the trees and brush. I was moving so fast, I had to use all my driving skill to swerve and weave through the trees to avoid crashing into any of the tall pines which whizzed past me. I attempted to slow down, but I could not seem to bring the car under control. However, I was finally able to reach my destination – a house – and pull straight inside.
The house was the meeting place of a group to which I belonged, some kind of spiritual group which I had joined. I liked the group, but I really did not know much about it.
As soon as I had parked the car and stepped out, I picked up a large, art-type book full of pictures and began leafing through it. The book was divided into different sections which described various spiritual groups. When I saw a section about Buddhism, I thought I was getting close to finding the section which described the particular group in this house. When I further found a section with "Zen" written in large letters across the top of the page, I felt even surer that I had found the section describing this group.
However, what I was seeing did not make much sense. Instead of writing and explanations, the "Zen" section only contained pictures of Barbie dolls. In fact the entire book seemed to contain only pictures, and I began to wonder if the book was about collecting different things, with each section about a different kind of collection. Or perhaps I was looking at the book wrong. Maybe the book began at the back and read forward. If that were the case, the Barbie dolls would not be in the Zen section after all. When I went to the "Zen" section and started flipping forward, however, I still saw only pictures and no writing. I concluded that the book probably was not written backwards after all.
My review of the book was suddenly interrupted by a voice which I recognized – that of my old law school classmate, Leah, who was a member of this group. Although Leah and I used to be friends in the past, she certainly did not seem well disposed toward me now. She was practically screaming at me that I had been driving much too fast when I had been speeding through the forest, and she belligerently complained that I had crashed into the "logs" in the forest. I thought by "logs" she meant "trees," and I retorted that I had not hit any "logs." I thought to myself that it was possible that I might have run over some fallen logs which had been lying on the ground, but I did not even think this had happened.
Nevertheless it was perfectly clear that Leah wanted me to leave, that she did not want me to be part of this spiritual group any longer. Her attitude bothered me, but it did not make that much difference. I headed toward the door, intending to leave, thinking that this kind of thing had happened to me once before, that I had been tossed out of a group like this. Being rejected certainly was not the end of the world for me. I might be just as well off by not being a part of the group.
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