Dream of: 18 September 1998 "I Can't Believe It"
I had walked into a bar in Portsmouth, on Gallia street, about a block from Portsmouth High School. Inside, the bar was in the form of a large circle with the bartenders in the middle and about 20 sitting around the perimeter. Most everybody seemed to be in their early 20s and all were in festive spirits. Although I was clearly older than everyone, I thought I could fit in and hoped I could have a good time with the others.
I was glad when I saw Sussiewalk into the room. She had frizzy blonde (almost white) hair and didn't look much the way I remembered her. I wanted to ask her more about what she had been doing with her life and hoped she would sit down on the empty seat to my right. But instead she walked behind the bar and when I saw the apron she was wearing, I realized she was one of the bartenders. She seemed to get caught up in the swirl of activity behind the bar and didn't make it over to talk with me.
I thought of playing some pool on one of the pool tables in the room. But soon I found myself too involved in the merry-making to think about pool. Everyone became more and more raucous, and finally we all stood up on top of our barstools. As we all stood on the stools and held each other's hands, forming a big circle around the bar, I stood a head taller than everyone else, and I wondered if the others noticed. I thought I was taller because I was older.
When we climbed back down from the stools, without my even being aware of it, the room emptied and I was left standing in the bar alone. I couldn't figure out what had happened to everyone or why they had all left so fast. But seeing that the back door was now open, I walked over toward it and looked outside. A very pretty black-haired woman (in her early 20s) was standing in front of me. She seemed quite friendly and I was immediately attracted to her. She spoke to me and in explanation of why everyone had left, she said, "Papa bounced us."
I understood that she was saying that the proprietor of the bar (apparently named "papa") had become upset by the rowdiness of the crowd, and had told everyone to leave. As I saw the rest of the crowd standing in the street in front of me, I wondered if they intended to go back inside or do something else. Only when I looked at them more closely did I notice that they were all staring straight up at the sky. I also looked up, and was paralyzed by the sight which greeted my eyes.
There, not high in the sky, was a jet plane which was trailing white smoke, obviously in trouble. The sight was so vivid, my eyes became riveted to it. I had always thought I would like to see a plane crash, but now that it was right in front of me, I was of a different mind – this was horrible. What must it be like for all the terrified passengers in the plane, knowing the plane was going to crash, and knowing there was nothing they could do about it?
I had another reason for alarm. The jet had banked and was now plunging rapidly toward the earth, and was headed in our direction. It looked as if the plane would probably crash a little to our left, but it was hard to say – possibly the plane could crash right on top of us. Since I couldn't really tell where the plane would fall, running seemed useless. Besides, I simply couldn't take my eyes off the sight.
The plane was descending rapidly, but to me, it almost seemed to be in slow motion. The closer the plane came, the more clearly I could see it and the cloud of smoke it was leaving behind. Soon it was clear that the plane would just barely miss us when it crashed, that it would head straight into some tall buildings in the downtown area. The plane was now close enough so I could see the pilot in the cockpit, desperately trying to regain some control. At one point, he was able to make the plane rise again slightly, but then the plane continued its dive and the pilot obviously couldn't stop it. It was unimaginable for me to comprehend what the pilot must be thinking at this moment as he starred into his doom. But I thought more was going on here than just a plane crash. Somehow it seemed that this scene involved me, that this was some kind of omen which I was witnessing which had to do with me, some kind of sign about my life. I didn't know the exact meaning of it, but I knew it was a powerful message that I needed to listen to. But it was all just so incredible, I finally called out, "Oh my God! I can't believe I'm watching this!"
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