Dream of: 05 October 1997 "Power And Courage"

I was talking with a fellow whom I had first met 30 years ago, in junior high school. I had never known him well and had never been friends with him. He had been a shy thin boy, never popular, tending to keep to himself. My feelings toward him had always been ambivalent; I had neither liked nor disliked him.

Now, however, I had become quite interested in him. He had just won a large sum of money, between $50,000-$60,000, and he was debating what he should do with it. I thought he was on the verge of making a terrible mistake: he was thinking of giving the money away. In fact the very people to whom he was contemplating giving the money were standing right there with us: a man and his wife.

I didn't know who this man and woman were, but I felt a distinct aversion for them, sensing they just wanted to take advantage of this misguided fellow. The man and woman (probably in their early 60s) seemed to have no direct relationship to the fellow. Apparently they simply had known him for a while and were just as surprised as anyone that he was thinking of giving them the money.

However they were somewhat upset with the fellow because at first he had said for sure he was going to give them the money, but now he was undecided. Realizing the fellow was having second thoughts, I thought I should do my best to persuade him to keep the money. If he were to give up the money, I was sure he would never be able to get it back.

Before I could do anything, however, the fellow pulled out a neatly bundled stack of bills (tied together around the middle) and handed the stack to the woman. The fellow told the woman the stack contained $50,000 and he was giving it to her. The woman quickly grabbed up the money -- there was nothing else I could do.

I realized that there was something noble in his act, that the fellow derived some benefit for himself by giving up the money. I also realized the money would have given him power, and by giving away the money, he gave away his power. For myself there was no doubt: if it was a question of having the benefits of being charitable, or having the benefits of power, I would choose power. I definitely would have kept the money.

However I wasn't poorly disposed toward this fellow. Although he was misguided, I still liked him, and I thought I would like to spend some time with him. Maybe I could help him somehow. I spoke to him and mentioned I was getting ready to take a trip to Mexico, and suggested he might want to go with me. I realized he still had about $4,000 left, almost exactly the amount of money which I myself was planning to take with me to Mexico. With $4,000 apiece, we could live for a very long time in Mexico.

I told him we would probably first go somewhere along the ocean. I knew he had never been to Mexico, and I thought he should see Mexico City; but if it came to a choice between Mexico City and the ocean, I thought we would go to the ocean. I suggested we first go to Cancun, and then continue our travels from there.

The fellow didn't seem interested. He seemed too unsure of himself, as if he didn't know what he was going to do now with himself. I continued trying to persuade, emphasizing how cheaply we could live in Mexico, and how easy it was for American men to find pretty Mexican women. I pointed out it was even easier when two men were traveling together.

We were sitting outside, the four of us, on the slope of a verdant hill. Just above us, at the top of the hill, was my house. As we talked, I noticed two black-haired girls approaching us. When they were close enough, I could see they were carrying some bowls of food, and I realized they were Mexican woman carrying around food to sell to people. I wasn't much interested in the food, but I was immediately interested in the women. Both were extremely attractive, ebony hair and snowy teeth, and I wanted to get to know them better. So when they asked me if I was interested in any of their food, I told them I was, and I asked them to follow me up to the house, where they could give the food to me.

The whole troop proceeded up the hill with me toward the house – the man and his wife, the fellow who had given them the money, and now the two Mexican women. Once we reached the house, we all went straight to the kitchen, and one of the Mexican woman began ladling some frijoles and meat into a plate for me. I really didn't want her food – I already had plenty of food in the house – and besides, buying food off the street like that wasn't healthy. Most of all, I didn't want to eat the big hunks of meat which the woman was dishing out for me. I didn't want to insult her by refusing the meat, but the mere sight of it was disgusting. I would have to muster the courage to tell her.

Suddenly I began to have a vision within my mind. In the vision I was inside what appeared to be some huge factory. An extremely complex place. I quickly knew what this represented: a voice in the background was saying I had reached a new level of courage. This place was a representation of the new level, a place where I had never been before, a place which contained some new challenge for me. I found most interesting the idea that courage could have different levels. That had never occurred to me, that I could only reach a deeper level of courage after first passing through a lower level. Only now was the concept beginning to make some sense.