Dream of:26 June 1997 "Estrangement"
I was inPortsmouth – in a car with three other men who were old friends (or at least people I used to know) also visiting Portsmouth. Weinstein was one. I asked one of them where he was living now and he gave me a name of what sounded like a small town. I asked him if the town was somewhere in Ohio and he told me it was near Philadelphia. I found it interesting that we had all started from Portsmouth but then had left. Weinstein now lived in New York and I was living near Dallas.
I was thinking of moving back to Portsmouth. Whether I lived in Portsmouth or in another city no longer made much difference to me. I would be just as satisfied to live in Portsmouth. Would Weinstein be disdainful if I moved back to Portsmouth? Living somewhere else had always been so important to him, he might not understand; but it didn't make that much difference – Weinstein and I didn't communicate much anyway; we weren't that close. Had our estrangement originated in his having told me he was gay? We never touched each other in a friendly way anymore. For instance, when we used to meet after having not seen each other in a long time, we used to give each other a big hug; but we didn't do that any more.
The car finally stopped in front of the house where Weinstein was staying – probably his parents' house. We were just stopping so Weinstein could run inside for a moment and pick up something. He hopped out of the car. After he went inside, I thought perhaps I should have gone in with him, to take advantage of the short time we had here to be with him. We wouldn't have much time together here in Portsmouth and I used to want to spend more time with him when we were together; but I didn't follow. Somehow it seemed best for me just to wait.
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