Dream of:28 March 1997 "The Living Dead"
My father had died. I was taking his death much harder than I would have expected. I had returned to his home, the Gay Street House where I was sitting in the large downstairs middle room. I was almost overcome with grief; I knew that once I started crying, I would be unable to stop. The death had been so sudden and unexpected, I was having extreme difficulty accepting it. I had been talking with my father only a few days earlier, and it now seemed as if I would have liked to have said so much more to him. I had always known he had been a big part of my life, but now that he was gone, the enormity of his position in my life was becoming clearer.
Still, it wasn't all bad. I had lived much of my life in hopes of pleasing him, and now I would no longer have to do that. For example, I might now quit school, because it seemed I was only going to school because he wanted me to. I was in my last year of high school, and I only had a few more days to go. It seemed so ridiculous that I would still be in high school since I already had a law degree. I didn't see how a high school diploma could possibly help me now in any way. So quitting school was the first thing I would do.
Quite a few other people were also sitting in the living room with me. We were all seated in chairs around the perimeter of the room; I found it only slightly odd that my father was also sitting in one chair. Although he was dead and cold, he was still able to move and join in with the conversation. He didn't seem quite like himself, however, and it wasn't possible to communicate well with him. He would occasionally speak in a forced and stilted manner which made him difficult to understand.
He stood up and announced he was going for a walk. I also stood and stepped up to him. When he reached out his hand to me for a handshake, I was unsure I should take it, thinking how cold it would probably feel. Nevertheless I clutched his outstretched hand, only to find that far from being cold, it was much warmer than a normal hand.
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