Dream of: 25 February 1997 "Holding My Breath"

Standing on the other side of a large blue concrete pool was a group of attractive women clad in their revealing bathing suits. Although I was now married to Birdie (my black-haired high school sweetheart), as I looked across the pool at the women, I couldn't help but be attracted to them. Birdie wasn't with me at the moment, although it seemed as if she might be arriving later. In the meantime, I began wondering what making love to one of the women might be like. I thought when it actually came right down to it, I wouldn't enjoy actually lying next to the body of a woman whom I had just met; nor would the woman enjoy the body of a strange man. But a vague memory came to me of such a thing having happened to me – of going to bed with a woman whom I had just met – and I recalled that the event had been extremely pleasurable, far more pleasurable than I would have imagined. Thus I now realized that should I persuade one of the bikini-clad women to join me in some amorous adventure. Even though we might not know each other, the potential for ecstasy was real.

I figured that the easiest way to meet them was probably to get in the pool. Since I was already wearing bathing trunks, I walked up to the edge and dove in. As I dove, I thought about how I was holding my hands. I didn't interlock my thumbs together, as that seemed somewhat childish. But my hands did touch as I leapt into the air. My dive, however, didn't turn out quite as expected. Instead of plunging down through the water, I found that I had dived into the shallow end of the pool, and found myself lying on my stomach in water that wouldn't even cover my head. I hadn't hurt myself in any way by diving into such shallow water, but I did wonder if anyone had seen how foolish I looked, diving into 10 centimeters of water.

Undeterred, I made my way through the water to a corner of the deep end of the pool and held onto the edge. I couldn't tell if the women were watching me, but I thought I ought to do something to impress them. The only thing I could think of was to hold my breath and swim under water. I thought I might stay under so long that they would begin to wonder what had happened to me. Holding onto the edge of the pool, I began taking a deep breath, thinking this must be what competition swimmers did when they were ready for a race. But to my chagrin, I found that with all the air in my lungs, I was too buoyant, and I couldn't go under the water. Instead I was floating like a bobber, trying to force myself down.

I let out the air, and started all over again. As I tried to go down the second time, I again had the same problem. But this time I tried harder, pushing myself, until I was completely under the water. Once I was submerged, I had no further problem, and I was able to easily stay under the water.

My eyes were open, and I began swimming at my leisure, headed back toward the shallow end. I felt no pressure that my air was running out, and I wondered just how long I could continue under the water. By the time I approached the shallow end, in water little over thirty centimeters deep, I thought that I had probably been under for more than a minute and that I might be approaching two minutes. If anyone had been watching me, surely they must be wondering if I was all right. Deciding that I didn't want to carry this thing too far, I went ahead and surfaced.

Only to find that it looked as if no one had even noticed me. A few children were playing in the shallow end, and the women seemed to be dispersing, getting ready to leave. It looked as if all my effort had been in vain.

When I suddenly noticed one woman walking along the side of the pool, walking in my direction. I immediately recognized her: Laura (whom I first met in 1964 when we were classmates in the sixth grade). I knew I had gone to high school with Laura, but I had never known her well. She had been a tall attractive girl with long blonde hair and a great body. In high school she had always dated older guys, and had been out of my league. But now that we were all older, I knew immediately that things had changed.

I pulled myself out of the water and stood in front of her. She was probably in her early 30s, but looked as good as ever. As we began talking, there was never any question of what was going on between us – it seemed that it was already all arranged and that we both were in agreement that we were going to have an affair. The only hesitation was on my part because another memory came back to me.

I now recalled that my wife Birdie and Laura had once before dated the same fellow, and because of that, a bitter rivalry had sprung up between them. Thus of all the women in the world, Birdie would probably least like to see me with Laura. But my hesitation didn't last long, and even though I knew Birdie would be furious if she ever learned about Laura, I couldn't resist. At the moment I just wanted to hurry and leave before Birdie came.

I picked up a small wooden toy lying on the ground. At the same time, Laura began looking for her child. I hadn't been thinking about the fact that Laura had a child, nor that I normally didn't like the idea of being around children; I just took it in stride, and accepted the fact without question. It just seemed that the child was part of the whole package, and it didn't bother me.

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