Dream of: 08 January 1997 "Intense Trip"

Late at night, I walked into a crowded bar in Portsmouth. The clientele seemed to be mostly men and women in their 20s; I hoped I would know someone there. Perhaps I could even find a woman to pick up.

***

I was in Portsmouth, riding in the passenger seat of a pickup truck which a fellow (probably in his mid 20s) whom I didn't even know was driving. He had black hair and a mustache. Somehow the subject of drugs came up, and he made it clear that he knew where he could buy some marijuana. That sounded like a good idea to me, but as I learned more of the details, I began to have doubts. It appeared that it would be necessary for me to give the fellow the money to buy the pot, and then I would have to wait for him to return while he went to pick it up. That sounded too risky to me; I didn't even know him, and I had no guarantee that he would return with my money.

***

I was in a car with Walls, heading toward his house on Thomas Avenue in Portsmouth. When we were almost there, I remembered that Lane lived on the next block behind Walls, and I suggested that we go to visit Lane, thinking we might be able to buy some drugs from him, since I knew that Lane dealt drugs. Walls seemed agreeable to the idea.

***

Walls and I were in the building where Lane lived. We already had the drugs – 15 hits of LSD – although I hadn't bought them from Lane. I had three red pills which each contained the equivalent of three doses of acid, and I had six white pills, which each contained the equivalent of one dose of acid. Walls and I each took one of the red pills. I knew this was a strong dose, but when I took acid I required more than most people in order achieve the desired effect.

Lane soon showed up and I told him that Walls and I had already taken the acid, and that we were waiting for it to take effect. Lane (probably in his mid 20s), didn't seem to be in a good mood. Actually it was deeper than that: he seemed to have changed from the happy-go-lucky fellow whom I used to know, and had turned into a hardened angry man. He immediately seemed dissatisfied that Walls and I had already taken the acid. In fact he seemed dissatisfied in general. I recalled that someone else had recently told me that Lane had turned into an eccentric and sour malcontent, and now his present attitude seemed to verify that appraisal of him. Nevertheless I went ahead and offered him the last red pill; he took it, apparently willing to trip with Walls and me.

We seemed to be in a large run-down boarding house. It was certainly not an ideal location for tripping, and I thought it would be best to go somewhere else. I pulled the shade up on a window so we could look outside. I saw some cars in the street below (we were on the second or third floor) and I noticed how bright the colors – especially of one red car – seemed to be. Walls and Lane also looked out the window and sensing the vividness of the colors, concurred that the acid was starting to take effect. As I looked through the window, I also noticed that I could see my reflection on the window pane. I could also see Walls' and Lane's reflections, and I noticed how markedly different I looked from them. Both Walls and Lane looked worn and ragged, while I looked young and healthy. In fact I was surprised at how handsome I looked. I appeared to be about 25 years old, had dark blonde hair, and extremely good features. I didn't recall having ever looked so good. I thought how my present appearance seemed to be in contrast with the image I had of myself. I had thought I was beginning to age and that my looks were deteriorating, but my reflection in the glass showed that wasn't so.

I also thought about how strongly I contrasted with the other two. This contrast wasn't merely superficial; I was very different from Walls and Lane. Both their lives had gone nowhere, while I had been fairly successful. They had never even gone to college and had never moved away from Portsmouth. We hardly had anything in common, which made me wonder why I was even with them now. But I realized that as different as I was from them, I still enjoyed being with them. Just as when I was younger, I liked to return and once again do drugs with them, and I thought that would probably never change. In that respect, we would always have something in common.

When I turned away from the window, I noticed that a couple other fellows had shown up. I recognized one as someone whom I knew, but with whom I had never associated much. He walked up to me and began talking in a friendly matter about the acid. He also had some acid, and when he learned that Lane, Walls and I had taken some, he said he would like to join us, and he also took some. I found him to be more amiable than I had pictured him, and I was glad that he was going to join us.

However, at the same time, I was beginning to become concerned about something else: the other six white pills which I still had in my pocket. If these two new fellows could just walk in the way they had, that meant the police could also walk in. I reflected that one rule of taking acid was to never keep any drugs on you while tripping; I needed to do something with the other six pills immediately.

The door to the hallway was open and I could see the bathroom on the other side. I walked over to the bathroom and began looking for a place to hide the six white pills. Finally I climbed up on something and started to put the pills on top of a shelf. But just as I was about to do so, I noticed an open window in the bathroom, and I realized someone might be looking at me from outside. I couldn't take the risk and I climbed back down still holding the pills. I walked back into the room and began distributing the pills among the others. We all quickly took the white pills, and I began to feel better that they were gone. I knew that I had increased the dosage of acid that I had taken and that I would now have a more intense trip, but that didn't bother me.

What did begin to bother me was the realization that the room had changed dramatically. Now perhaps 25-30 men were in the room, and each of us was standing next to our own small bed. Only now did I realize that this place was actually a prison and that we were all prisoners. I could still see the other fellows who had taken the acid with me, each standing by his bed at various places around the room. I thought to myself that this wasn't going to be the best place in the world to be tripping on acid. But it might not be that bad, and I would just take it as it came.

Well, the first thing that came were some prison guards. They walked in the room and announced that they were going to search everyone. I was at least certainly relieved that I had taken the rest of the acid and that I didn't have to worry about being caught with that. When one of the guards finally came to me, I felt relaxed and I didn't think I had anything to worry about. He told me to open my mouth, which I did, and he saw that I had nothing in it. He then stood in front of me and asked me to spread my legs apart. I did so and he saw there was nothing between my legs. I was a bit embarrassed though because I saw that I had a big tear in the crotch area of my pants. And I wasn't wearing any underwear. But the guard didn't seem to notice and he went on to the next person.

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