Dream of: 31 December 1996 "Never Giving Up"

I had gone to a house in Portsmouth, a two-story frame house which was just west of Richard's News on Gallia Street. The house was full of teenagers and people in their 20s having a party. I wanted to be part of the party, but I didn't see anyone I knew. I began mingling and looking the people over. Finally I was happy to see my old dope buddy Lane (about 25 years old) walk in. He was wearing a dull gray sweater and appeared to have bit of a limp. I walked over to him, threw my arms around him and hugged him tight, it had been so long since I had seen him.

Lane also seemed happy to see me, and we walked over to the side of the room and began talking. Almost immediately I remembered that he used to sell drugs, and thinking that he might have some marijuana, I said, "Do you have anything for me?"

After we talked a little more, and I clarified that I was interested in buying some pot, he said he had a couple joints on him. I really wanted to buy a whole bag, but willing to settle for a couple joints, I said, "OK."

I asked him how much he wanted, and he said he only wanted $1. I thought the price was too cheap, and I told him I would give him at least $1 apiece for the joints. After he pulled out the two joints and handed them to me, I began going through my pockets, looking for the money. I pulled out a $1 bill and a $10 bill, but I couldn't come up with another $1 bill. I gave him the $1 bill, but I thought I was going to have to tell him I would have to owe him the other dollar. I wanted to pay him the other dollar right then, but I just couldn't seem to find another dollar. As I continued to search for the other dollar, Lane wandered away into the crowd of people and disappeared.

When I finally began looking for Lane again, I realized he had left the party. His departure rather bothered me, because I had wanted to smoke the joint with him. I became even more concerned when I realized almost everyone else had also left.

I decided to smoke one of the joints. When I pulled out the joint and lit it, I realized I was now lying on a bed, and that a fellow whom I didn't even know was lying on my right in the bed, and that some other people were lying or sitting at the bottom of the bed. Once I had started smoking, the fellow on my right raised himself up and looked at me. Only then did I realize I might not be wise to be smoking in front of this fellow, since I didn't even know him. However, I quickly realized he didn't mind if I smoked, and in fact he indicated that he also wanted to smoke. I handed him the joint and he took a hit. He then passed the joint to the other people at the bottom of the bed.

I now saw three other people sitting at the end of the bed. Two were at the far end, and the other was sitting halfway between those two and me. I noticed that the fellow sitting half way took a hit off the joint both when the joint was going down and when it was coming back, so he got two hits while the others only got one hit. I reflected that he was pretty smart for sitting in the middle – that way he was able to get twice as much.

We continued smoking until only a tiny roach was left. When I had the roach, I stood from the bed and took the last hit from it. I knew I still had one more joint, but I wanted to smoke it by myself. I was also thinking about how it seemed that when people started smoking marijuana, they never gave it up. Everyone I had ever known who had started smoking marijuana had never stopped. Marijuana seemed the type of thing that once a person started, the person never stopped. I also thought about myself. Even though I had just smoked a joint, I wasn't really high, but I still had a craving to smoke more marijuana, and I wanted to smoke the other joint by myself.

Finally I walked outside and started walking down the street where I thought I could smoke the joint. I knew I had smoked pot on the streets of Portsmouth before. However, I reflected that I had been quite young when I had smoked on the street. It hadn't seemed like a dangerous thing to do back then, but now it did seem dangerous.

I continued walking until I came to a vacant lot about the size of a city block, a lot which had a wall almost two meters high all the way around its perimeter. I thought I would smoke the joint there, but then I noticed 25-30 people gathered in the lot, mostly young black men. I was immediately concerned about being there with the men, and suddenly everyone realized the entire area was surrounded by police outside the walls.

One of the black fellows jumped up and said the place was surrounded because three of the black men had guns. Immediately the three black men pulled out their guns, and one shot the man who had been talking. All three black men had uzis, and they apparently intended to shoot everyone. I quickly saw an opening in one of the walls and ran through it. I found myself in a little unroofed corridor. At the same time, I heard the three black man begin shooting, massacring all the other men.

Realizing I needed to get out of the corridor and escape outside the wall, I looked for some way out. When I saw a regular sized glass window in an outside wall of the corridor, I grabbed something above the window with my hands, jumped up and slammed my feet through the window. I pushed myself feet-first through the glass and fell onto the ground outside the window. I could immediately sense that many police wearing brown uniforms were standing all around me, holding their guns on me. However, at that point, escaping from the killers inside was much more important than avoiding the police. I could still hear the machine guns inside, and I knew everyone in there was being slaughtered by the three men. I was lucky just to get out alive.

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