Dream of: 28 October 1996 "Life Is Brutal"

Walls, Ramey and I had gone on a trip to New York City. Ramey and Walls looked as if they were in their early 20s, and all of us were strong and full of life. We might have had some business to conduct in the City, but our main reason for being there seemed to be to have a good time.

To better achieve this goal, the first thing we did was pick up three attractive women right off the street. All three were probably in their late teens, and neatly and conservatively dressed in light-colored clothes. The girls also were from out of town and had come to New York for a good time. So it looked as if we could all have fun together.

I decided the best thing to do first would be to go to a restaurant and have a meal. The six of us quickly turned into a door abutting on the sidewalk, and entered what looked like a crowded diner, with all the tables being in scared wooden booths. It wasn't elegant, but it seemed clean, and I thought it was adequate for the occasion. There was only one booth left, at the rear of the room, and we all sat down there.

We were brought menus and all quickly ordered something. During the process, I was beginning to realize that two of the girls weren't saying much. The third one, whom I had chosen for myself, was more talkative. Her name was Mary. But the two who had gravitated toward Walls and Ramey were very quiet, even when I tried to bring them out. Suddenly it occurred to me what was missing: we needed some alcohol. I had meant to order something with the meal but had forgotten. I turned to the two quiet ones and asked them if they would like something to drink. But I was disappointed when they said they didn't. I asked Mary if she would like something to drink, and she also declined. But I had the feeling that she was only not drinking because the other two weren't. I then asked the other two if they ever drank alcohol, and both of them said they didn't. I asked Mary the same question and she told me that she did sometimes drink. I was beginning to think that Mary was perhaps a year or two older than the other two. I was also beginning to think Mary wasn't close friends with the other two, perhaps that she had only just met them.

What was becoming clear to me, was that the other two girls, as pretty as they were, were turning out to be extremely dull. Several times I tried to open conversations with different topics, trying to think of something in which they might be interested. I focused in on one of the two who was sitting right across from me, trying to get her to join in a conversation. But nothing seemed to work. I thought probably, since she was so young, she didn't have much experience in the world and simply was afraid to talk. I thought how I appreciated women who could join in lively conversation, especially well-traveled women who could talk of one place in the world after the other. But this girl was like a stump. Finally I even asked her if she would just tell me something about herself, what she was interested in. Whatever it might be, I was sure if we could get the conversation moving, I could join in. But still she just sat there, as if she was unable to say a word.

I was becoming increasingly frustrated, especially since they wouldn't even drink anything. I could see an upright refrigerated cooler sitting in the back of the room, and I could see the brown long-necked beer bottles sitting in it. I thought I could just order a beer myself. In fact I thought I could see a bottle of my favorite beer, Samuel Adams. But it just didn't seem as if it would be appropriate for me to start drinking in front of the others if they weren't going to drink.

I looked around the room, wondering what kind of place this was. It seemed popular enough, and I thought the food must be good if so many people were here. I thought most of the people were probably New Yorkers, although I did see quite a few men wearing cowboy hats. I wondered what everyone would think if someone were to stand up and say something like, "I'm from Sandusky, Ohio." Or if someone were to say, "I'm from Pea Patch." Where had I heard those words, "Pea Patch"? Was if from the "L'il Abner" comic strip? At any rate, I was sure if someone were to say something like that, everyone would look at him as if he were a complete moron.

Which in a way was how I was beginning to feel about these two girls. I thought there was hope for Mary, but the other two were turning out to be so backwards, I just wanted to get rid of them.

As we had sat there, some of my party had moved around. At the moment, only Walls and I were sitting on one side of the booth, while the girl who was with Walls was sitting on the other. I turned to Walls, and right in front of the girl, told him that we should ditch the two girls, but that we should try to keep Mary, if she wanted to come with us. Walls understood me perfectly, and he agreed. The girl sitting across from us also understood me perfectly, but she was having a much different reaction: she looked as if she was going to cry. Although I had openly said what I had to say, I was surprised to see the reaction from her. This was the first emotion she had displayed. However by this time, it didn't make any difference to me, and I simply looked at her and said, "Life is brutal."

Walls and I then stood up from the booth and walked toward the front of the place. We weren't ready to leave yet – we still intended to eat our meal. I continued talking to Walls about what we should do with the women. I still wanted Mary to stay. I thought if she was away from the other two, she might turn out to be a lot of fun. I said, "I believe Mary would go." By "go," I meant not only that I thought Mary might go with us, but that she might also go to bed with me. That was however, still unclear.

Walls walked over to the juke box and began putting money in. I saw that each song was ninety nine cents, which seemed expensive. But I knew everything in New York was expensive. I thought if I bought a beer it might cost $5 a bottle, and I didn't want to pay that much. Still, I thought I might go ahead anyway. I asked Walls if he wanted one. I didn't want to also pay for his, but I thought I probably would.

But before he could answer, the girl from my booth walked up to us. Her expression was much less bland and staid than it had been before. She had definitely come to life, and she looked as if she might even be ready to talk some. She was now clearly anxious, obviously afraid that we intended to just walk out and leave her. But although it was still my intention to dump her, we weren't intending to leave just yet; I still needed to eat and to talk to Mary, to see if Mary would go with us.

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