Dream of: 03 October 1996 "Envy And Desire"

Carolina and I had walked into a fancy bar, possibly in a luxury hotel. Once inside, I lost track of Carolina and stepped up to the bar by myself. There didn't seem to be any stools, and I just stood at the bar, surveying my surroundings. Behind the bar was a large mirror which seemed to cover the whole wall. I looked at myself and was pleased to see that I cut quite an impressive figure. But even more pleasing was the sight of an extremely attractive blonde on my left.

The blonde was probably in her late twenties; she appeared to be wearing a long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans. She sidled up to me and began talking. She was almost as tall as I and had an excellent figure. She was clearly the most attractive woman in the entire place; I wasted no time in getting to know her better. Soon we were caressing each other, and even though I knew Carolina was in the room, possibly just down at the end of the bar, the blonde and I began kissing.

I again looked around the bar to see if I knew anyone there. I was surprised to see Louise sitting alone at a small round table. She looked sad and lonesome; I had the feeling she would like to be with me. She was dressed in drab brown; she should have dressed with more color. She had always looked good in red; she should realize that she needed more spark in her attire if she were coming out to a place like this. I, for instance, was wearing a long-sleeved blue shirt, with a blue tee-shirt pulled over top of it. When I realized my tee-shirt was over top of my long-sleeved shirt, I stopped and reflected that that didn't seem quite right. But I had the feeling that everyone around me approved of what I was wearing.

And that approval made me feel good. In fact, I stopped and thought about that. It occurred to me that the two best feelings that I ever experienced were knowing that women desired me and that men were envious of me. Envy and desire were the source of my most pleasurable feelings. I could claim that higher sentiments made me feel good, but the truth was, envy and desire were what I liked most.

However, be that as it may, even though I now felt that all the men in the place were envious of my being with the blonde, and all the women desired me, I wasn't feeling quite right. I was concerned about Carolina.

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