Dream of: 28 August 1996 "Carrying My Pillow"

I was hurrying down a stairwell inside the back of a school which resembled Grant Junior High School. I hurried out the back door, with a pillow in a white pillow case under one arm, and a can of beer in my other hand. Once outside, I was almost running as I passed someone I knew: Caryl (a former classmate from Grant). As I passed her, I said, "Hi, Cheryl" (mistaking her name), and I continued on. The only thing I noticed about her was that she certainly was attractive. Although it had been many years since I had seen her, she was better looking than ever. She only looked about 20 years old, and I also felt quite young, as if I were about that age myself.

I didn't intend to say anything else to her, but as I passed her, she called out to me and asked me something. Sensing that she wanted to talk with me, I slowed down and began walking along beside her. I was surprised that she would want to walk with me, for in all the time we had known each other we had never exchanged more than formal greetings. She had always dated fellows older than I, so I had never had a chance with her. Besides, she and I were so different, almost diametrically opposite. I smoked cigarettes, drank beer, used drugs, while she on the other hand was completely straight, part of that unenlightened world which I so disdained. I found it hard to believe that she might be interested in such a rebel and outsider as myself.

Physically speaking I felt her equal. Although she was indeed beautiful, I didn't feel her inferior. My looks were just more of a rakish nature, with my disheveled blonde hair and stubble on my face. My looks simply reflected a different life style which I didn't think she could appreciate or understand.

Suspecting what might bother her about me, I mentioned cigarettes. I explained that I actually didn't smoke cigarettes any more and I hadn't smoked any in many years. Even when I had smoked it had only been occasionally and had never been a habit. As far as drinking, I explained that I also rarely drank any more. I just happened to have this can of beer in my hand at the moment. The can actually looked more like a coke can, and it was empty. Sensing her feelings about drinking, I looked at the can and said, "And you don't approve of this either."

She looked at the can and replied, "No."

Since the can was already empty anyway, I held out my hand in front of me, crushed the can in my hand and said, "I understand. I don't approve either half the time."

And now we came to the subject of drugs. Suddenly I remembered something that I had completely forgotten: Caryl had a brother who dealt drugs. I had known that fact many years ago, but had completely forgotten it. I was saying something about LSD, and as the memory came back, thinking about her brother, I asked, "You know where I can get some?"

She hesitatingly replied, "Yes."

I was intrigued. I told her I hadn't taken any LSD for more than ten years, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try some if I came across it. However, I actually had serious doubts about whether I would take LSD again. Even if I had it in front of me, I might turn it down.

There was, however, one thing I felt sure about: I wouldn't pass up a chance to have a fling with Caryl. That was one vice which I hadn't learned to resist. She was just too beautiful. And by this time, she was already carrying my pillow for me.

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