Dream of: 16 August 1996 "La Clair Du Lune"

I was traveling with a group of 15-20 people. We had been together for quite a while, and as we had traveled, I had met some women in the group. I was rather surprised to learn that I could fairly easily have sex with these women, that I was sought after, and that I could more or less have my pick. I was uncertain of the reason for this, but I thought my age and my being an attorney might have something to do with it. Young men apparently weren't considered as desirable by most women, and only older men past a certain age were desired.

I reflected, however, when I had been a young man, I had had no trouble finding women. In my late teenage years I had had a long relationship with Birdie, my first love. Birdie and I had been almost the same age. I now recognized Birdie could have been with an older man at that time if she had wanted, but for some reason she had picked me, even though I had been young and undesirable at the time. I realized how fortunate I had been to have had the experience of being with Birdie – a realization I had never had before.

As of yet, on this trip, I hadn't actually had sex with any of the women. I had spent time with some, but even though they were attractive, I had restrained myself from having sex. I was glad I had refrained. In the back of my mind it seemed I had a commitment to someone, and I was pleased I hadn't betrayed that commitment. I was also happy, because I didn't want any entangling relationships with anyone. I knew just by having sex with one of the women, I wouldn't actually be forming a relationship; yet I also knew when I had sex with a woman, the relationship usually turned sticky and messy in some way or other. I was relieved I simply hadn't had to deal with that.

Notwithstanding, I had become acquainted with some of the women in the group. However, when I thought about the different women I had met, it seemed curious that I couldn't even remember their names. I remembered some details of the different women, but their names simply wouldn't come to me. The only woman whose name I seemed to remember was an older woman named something like Desiderata.

This particular woman was sitting in the back of a long bus-like vehicle in which we were traveling. I was sitting near the front, and I made my way to the back to ask her a question. I wanted to ask her where we were. I knew we were on this bus, but I was becoming disoriented by what I saw outside the bus.

Outside was a scene as if from another world. We were clearly in a city, but instead of being on the ground, we seemed to be flying around past the buildings, as if on a helicopter. The buildings were incredible, defying description. They were gigantic futuristic-looking affairs. One seemed to stand taller than the twin towers in New York. It had some giant slab of concrete on the top which seemed to defy gravity. Another somewhat resembled the needle in Seattle, except it had long giant porcupine-like protrusions sticking out from all over it. Another building was an obvious parking lot, with hundreds of cars parked in red tube-like structures.

The other thing I noticed was how foggy it was. It was day and it was light outside, but the sun was nowhere to be seen. I could easily see all that was around me, but I couldn't see what lay beyond the buildings.

When I reached the woman (the woman I thought of as Desiderata), I told her the whole place seemed rather "spooky" to me. Indeed it was spooky. It was difficult to describe why, but I felt something ominous, something almost terrifying about the surroundings. Where was I, I wanted to know. Finally the woman told me: I was in Hella.

I thought I must have misunderstood her. Did she mean "Helena"? I had heard of Helena, which I was a city either in Canada or the northwestern United States. Being in the northwest would account for the fog, since the northwest was often foggy and overcast; but still I couldn't quite figure it out.

As I pondered the situation more, I began looking around me, and I realized I was no longer on the bus. In fact I began to wonder if I had ever actually been on the bus, for I now began to realize the scenes I had been seeing had been on film. Indeed, some of the other people in my group were talking about how the shots had been taken, and a woman was even showing the people a special, extremely intricate camera which had been used to take the movie.

The camera seemed part of an exhibition, one of many exhibitions which I now saw around me. For now I seemed to be in some kind of convention hall where many other booths had been set up to sell state-of-the-art devices, such as the camera. The woman who was demonstrating the camera told us the price (which was quite reasonable), and some people in my group became excited, obviously thinking they might buy one. The woman added, however, that the camera alone couldn't take the fantastic pictures of the city which we had just seen; another large extremely expensive device was needed. Apparently the second device allowed the awe-inspiring aerial shots we had viewed. The others in my group were visibly disappointed that they would be unable to buy the larger device.

I didn't much care, for by now I had other concerns. I realized we all were indeed in the city which I had seen in the movie, although we weren't flying around, but simply in one of the large buildings. I also realized something else: something was terribly wrong here. Mixed in with the crowd of hundreds of people visiting the different booths were men dressed in military garb. I caught brief glimpses of the men as they mingled in the crowd. And when I gradually become aware some members of my group were disappearing, I somehow knew the military men were abducting them.

A virtual flood of other realizations began to come over me. I was no longer simply standing around gawking at the booths and the devices on display, but I had began moving in a line of people. The realization was subtle, but I knew we were all being prodded along, like cattle. I had lost sight of the members of my group, but I knew they, like I, had fallen into line – at least the ones who were left and hadn't been snatched away. As the line gradually moved on I came to a stairs or escalator, and moved up.

By now I began to realize the significance of this line: this was the line of escape out of this place. I still didn't know exactly what this place was, but I did know it was a terrible place, a place horrible almost beyond imagination. I also knew at any moment I could be snatched out of the line, and if that happened I would be taken away and perhaps never be allowed to leave. But I also began to realize something else: if I could just make it out of here, this place would have no hold on me.

Now, up ahead of me, at the top of the stairs, I could see the end of the line. If I could just reach the top, I would be saved. It looked as if some kind of aircraft or space ship was waiting, and would take everybody away who made it to the top of the line.

Finally, just as I reached the top and was about to step off the stairs, a woman in charge of overseeing the line pulled a rope across the stairs right in front of me. I could hardly believe it, and at the same time it seemed so typical. If I had just been one person ahead, I would have made the flight. Now I was stuck, and who knew how long it would be until the next flight. And this was an extremely important matter, because now I was left standing here exposed. I could be taken away at any time. And I thought it was even likely I would be taken away, because there seemed to be some papers which I was missing. I noticed there was a second stairwell next to the one I was on, and I recognized one of the men from my group on that stairwell. He had just stepped into the safe area which was getting ready to board the flight. If I had only come up that stairwell, I would have been saved. But now here I was – stuck. I thought of perhaps trying to step over the cord; but I quickly discarded that idea. If I was caught, I would be sure to be taken away.

I was sinking fast into despair when suddenly I saw some men coming up yet another stairwell on the other side of mine. I recognized these men: they had been instructors, teachers who had been connected to my group. I had forgotten about them, and indeed I didn't really know most of them. In fact there was only one I knew. He was a slender man, dressed in a beige trench coat. He looked exactly like the actor Willem Dafoe. I now remembered I had actually gotten to know this man, and I thought he liked me. Now, as he walked up the stairs, I caught his eye. He looked compassionately at my plaintive face. I thought it was probably hopeless that he would or could help me. But still I had some small flicker of hope in me.

When he reached the top of the stairs, I saw him talking to somebody who seemed in charge of the line. Slowly I realized he had far more power than I had originally thought. I was astonished when the woman in charge of the rope, walked over, took it down, and signaled me to pass through.

Once I stepped past the rope, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I couldn't believe this man had helped me in this way. I didn't know how to act. I wondered if I should throw my arms around him and hug him. I felt like crying, and indeed I may have had tears in my eyes.

But something else had also come to my mind as soon as I had passed by the rope: I was now free and I could no longer be taken by the military men. This was a new realization to me, for I had thought the military men, and the power behind them, reigned supreme. Now I realized that wasn't the case at all. The place where I was going to was far more powerful. And the place where I was headed, I now realized, was called "La Clair du Lune." La Clair du Lune, then, was the place with the real power. La Clair du Lune couldn't be touched by the place I was leaving, and in fact, the place I was leaving was somehow actually controlled by La Clair du Lune. I envisioned La Clair du Lune as some kind of paradise, as a place the likes of which I had never seen before. Just ahead of me, was waiting the actual ship which would transport me there. My being allowed on board was now determined, and nothing could stop me. I headed for the ship, dazzled by the thought that I was actually going to be let on board.

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