Dream of: 03 August 1996 "Trust"

I had entered into a agreement with three other people – a woman and two men – to work together on a project, perhaps something illegal. All the others somehow seemed a little dangerous to me. At the time we had entered into the agreement, we had had several ounces of some rather weak marijuana which we had wanted to stash away until the project was finished. We had divided the marijuana into four equal parts (less than an ounce in each part), and had then placed each part into a separate quart canning jar and tightened a lid on each jar. We had then taken the marijuana and hidden it in an old log cabin which I had built many years before, hiding each jar in a different place in the cabin. We had then all agreed that once the project was completed, we would all go and retrieve the jars of marijuana.

We were now drawing close to the end of our project, and I was talking with the woman about our agreement. One of the other men in the project was also present, but he wasn't saying anything, just watching the woman and me talk. The woman was probably in her mid 30s, tall, thin, with long chestnut hair. As I stood in front of her and listened to her talk, I could hardly believe what she was saying. I was shocked to hear her blatantly lie and shrilly deny that we had ever had an agreement. Now that it was time to divide up the marijuana, the woman was obviously reneging on the whole project. I could see by the determined look on her face that arguing would be useless – she was going to deny everything.

***

I was at the cabin. I was also thinking about something which I wished I had said to the woman while I had been with her. I thought how such a thing often happens – how I would be talking with someone and then only after we had parted would I realize what I should have said.

What I should have said to her dealt with trust. I had been having some thoughts lately about trust, about how difficult it was to have, and how important it was. I had concluded that trust was essential in any kind of business relationship. In fact, I had concluded that trust was the most important part of the relationship. I knew that "trust" was a nebulous term, but it was still a term which I understood. I wished I had brought all this up when I had spoken with the woman, how trust was actually the most important aspect of what we had been doing together, how trust was important in and of itself, and how I felt that she had broken that trust. I wished I had said it all, but at the same time, I thought the woman had shown herself to be untrustworthy, and it wouldn't have made any difference what I would have said.

The only question now was what duty I still had in the agreement. Now that the woman had said that the agreement didn't exist, was I still bound by the promises which I had made? I didn't think so. The woman had perfidiously broken the agreement, and I was no longer bound. Now I was simply going to get what I felt legitimately belonged to me. If the woman was going to cancel the agreement, I was going take one of the jars of marijuana.

The cabin was a one story affair with several rooms and a basement. The cabin had obviously been abandoned for a long time and was in sad disrepair. I thought each of the four of us had been assigned a specific jar, and I remembered that my particular jar had been hidden under some things in a corner of one room. I entered the room where I thought my jar of marijuana was located and went to the corner. There was an old round water heater standing there and a pile of pink fiberglass insulation. I thought my jar was underneath the insulation, and even though I knew fiberglass could get stuck in the skin, I pushed back some cobwebs and began reaching through the pile of insulation until I finally found the jar and pulled it out. I was somewhat surprised that I was able to find it since I thought the others might have already come and taken the jars. I now thought maybe they had just come and taken the other jars and had left mine there.

Suddenly I heard someone talking, coming through the front door. I was uncertain who it was, but I knew I didn't want to get caught there, especially with the marijuana. Thinking quickly, I slipped the jar in between a couple sheets of the fiberglass, and I quickly retreated over to the stairs to the basement. As I hurried down the wooden steps, I wondered what I would say if the others had come.

At the bottom of the stairs I turned and hid behind a wall. I tried to hear who was talking, but I couldn't tell for sure who it was. Whoever it was, I certainly didn't want them to find me there.

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