Dream of: 03 July 1996 "I Don't Ever Want To Leave"

I was sitting in a large room, with hundreds of other people, watching a movie. Actually we were all lying instead of sitting, because the backs of all our seats were lowered behind us so that we were able to lie down on our backs on the seats, like beds, and look up at the movie screen in front of us. However, I had been lying in this position so long – almost 4 hours – that I had grown tired. I had watched two movie, one in French and one in German, and I was ready to leave. But I didn't want to get up because I was afraid that I would disturb everyone else. However, finally, I decided I just didn't care if I bothered the others; I couldn't take it any longer and I sat up. Once I was sitting, I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt, and I picked up a bright red tee shirt which had been under my head and I put it on. I continued to watch the movie in a sitting position, hoping it would soon end. And much to my relief it did come to an end and people began rising to leave.

***

I was in the lobby of what appeared to be a movie theater, which I realized was in Paris. Only two other people were there: an American woman and someone to whom she was talking. The woman (about 40 years old) was dressed in bright clothes. I quickly inferred that she was living in Paris, and although I could tell that she didn't speak French perfectly, I surmised that she was speaking every day and constantly improving. I wondered how many Americans must be living in Paris like her. I thought Americans were a common occurrence in Paris and that there might be as many as a half million of them there.

***

I was running down a city street, apparently in Paris, with a large group of people who seemed the same people with whom I had been watching the movies. I ran and ran without becoming tired. In fact I felt quite energetic, as if I were energized by being in Paris, the city which I loved so much. I had already run almost five miles when I met up with Carolina. She was glad to see me and commented about how happy I seemed. She emphasized the fact that I was happiest and most energetic when I was in Paris. I hadn't thought about it before, but now I realized she was correct. When I was in Paris I felt completely happy, and my energy level seemed to increase significantly. I had just run five miles and I wasn't even tired.

Carolina continued talking, saying that I was doing what I liked to do best. I told her it was true that watching French and German movies was one of my favorite things to do, and that I could hardly believe that I was now in a position where I could actually do this. I realized my life seemed wonderful at the moment. I didn't know how all this had come to pass, but I knew I was certainly enjoying it.

But another thought was also in my mind. I knew while I had been in Paris, I had been working with another woman (about 40 years old). I also knew that although I didn't find the woman particularly appealing sexually, it was probable that the woman would ultimately develop a desire for me and I would reciprocate. It all just seemed a part of the natural evolution of my new life in Paris, and I was satisfied with the way which I expected it would turn out.

***

It was still morning and Carolina and I had gone into a small French bakery/cafe to have breakfast. There we met a tall thin fellow probably in his early twenties with whom Carolina and I had been staying while we had been in France. We sat at a small round table in front of the large glass window at the front of the store.

I only ordered a cup of coffee, but then I walked over to the counter and looked at the array of food on the wall behind the counter. I thought I might also order a small piece of cheese wrapped in tin foil. I remembered that this was a common breakfast item in Europe, although it wasn't one which I was accustomed to ordering for breakfast. I thought when I ordered, I would need to use the German word "Kaese" for cheese.

***

I returned to my table without ordering the cheese, and I sat down. The bright morning light was streaming through the window and seemed to mirror my feelings: I was almost completely happy. I turned to the fellow sitting with us and I said, "I love your country. I don't ever want to leave."

But as soon as I had spoken, several thoughts went through my mind. First I was a little surprised myself that I would be expressing this sentiment for France, since I had always thought that I would eventually someday settle down in Germany. Second, I began wondering if the fellow actually was French or if he might be German. It occurred to me that part of the time I had been talking with the fellow, we had been speaking German. And although I knew we were in France, it also seemed that we were near the border of Germany, or possibly even to Luxembourg. Thinking I might have made a mistake, and that he might not be from France after all, I asked, "You're French, aren't you?"

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