Dream of: 01 June 1996 "Based On Lies"

Another man, whom I finally realized was my father, and I were in the basement of a house. My father had a small electronic instrument which we were using to search out pieces of radioactive material which had been hidden in the concrete walls and floors of the basement. My father would walk around with the instrument until he had an indication where the radioactive material was, and then I would dig it out. Each time, I dug out what appeared to be a light blue chalky substance which was buried about two centimeters deep in the wall or floor. I finally reached the point where I could just look at the walls and tell where a small section had been plastered over, and I knew we would find another cache of the radioactive substance there.

After a while I began to wonder whether what we were doing was dangerous. We had no protective coverings and I would simply dig out the substance with my metal instrument and my bare hands. Since my father seemed unconcerned, however, I just kept working.

We reached a back corner of the basement where a metal sign about a half meter wide and about two thirds of a meter high hung on the wall. The sign was at eye level and looked as if it were an advertisement for Pennzoil. After my father took down the sign to look behind it, he discovered a rectangular hole in the wall about the size of the sign. I walked over, looked inside the hole, and saw some kind of device on the floor of the cave-like space, something with many gears and rods, like what might be found inside a clock. Thinking this would be a good place for someone to have hidden more of the radioactive substance, I began taking the device apart, looking for more of the substance. When I was unable to find anything, however, I told my father I hoped he wouldn't want me to put the device back together. I didn't see how I could do it. At the same time, however, I realized someone must have been able to assemble the device there, and I wondered how it had been done.

As I stepped back from the hole, I looked back inside the space. It looked as if the rectangular cave extended back two or three meters, and then it looked as if there was an old set of stairs which ascended to the left. It appeared as if there had once been a stairway leading to the outside, but as if the stairway had long ago been boarded over and covered up.

As I studied the hole, it occurred to me that this would have been the type of place where Jews might have hidden during World War II. I could just imagine Jews crawling back into this little space and hiding, hoping that no German soldiers would come along and take the sign off the wall and discover them back there. I imagined the Jews as being perpetually afraid. For instance in the winter, they would worry that the snow might melt right over top the place where the stairs had been boarded up, thus revealing their hiding place.

As my father and I finally headed back upstairs, I was still thinking about the little cave. I thought of Anne Frank and how she and her family had hidden during the war. I also had images of German soldiers hustling through the streets, rounding up Jews. The soldiers I envisioned were polite to the Jews, not needing to be cruel, since the soldiers knew the Jews were all doomed anyway. I could even see some bodies of Jews lying stretched out in the street.

Once my father and I were upstairs, we immediately ran into a woman with several young boys. The ones I saw looked as if they were around two, three and four years old. I quickly learned that the woman had adopted the boys, who were all brothers, and that there were five of them altogether. I also learned that all the boys came from a Jewish family, although the woman herself wasn't Jewish.

That seemed to present an interesting question too. What if I were to adopt five little Jewish boys like that? Would I raise the boys up in the Jewish religion, teaching them to honor the religion of their birth? That would seem the proper thing to do. But suddenly I realized that that wasn't what I would do. I didn't believe in the Jewish religion. In fact, like other religions, I thought Judaism was based on lies. I wouldn't raise any children I adopted to believe a bunch of lies, no matter if they had been born as Jews.

But at the moment I didn't really want to think about that. It seemed as if this whole business with the radioactive material and the Jews was somehow combined, and was somehow also connected to the recent fasting which I had undertaken to clean out my system. It wasn't clear to me how it was all related, but I realized that in the process I had been neglecting Carolina, and that we hadn't had sex for a couple weeks. Suddenly I very much wanted to be with Carolina and make love to her. I was anxious to get out of this house and get back to Carolina as quickly as I could.

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