Dream of: 15 February 1996 "Confession"

I was at my first day on the job at a hospital where I had begun working. My immediate superior (probably in his early 50s) was a man for whom I had somehow developed a great deal of respect. He was somewhat taller than I, and balding. However, instead of being a physician, he was a priest dressed in a long black robe.

As I walked along beside him, I directed him to a small room where we could be alone. Once we were in the room, I turned to him, and blurted out that I had to tell him something which I had previously kept concealed. I told him I wanted to make a confession. He looked at me askance. He obviously hadn't expected this from me, and he seemed to be vacillating about whether he should listen to me. Besides that, I knew he and I had recently seen a scene on television which almost exactly paralleled what was taking place here, where a man had asked a priest in a hospital to hear his confession. I knew the priest standing in front of me must think it strange that such a similar scene was now playing itself out here.

Seeing that he wasn't stopping me, I continued, going straight to the point. I revealed to him that I had had a sexual relationship with my sister. I quickly added that it had been many years ago – I was thinking at least 25-30 years – and that therefore it didn't really matter anymore. But as I talked I noticed something strange: I noticed a feeling of deep emotional pain, a feeling which almost seemed to be overwhelming. The pain seemed to start down around my stomach and work its way up to my head, only it wasn't a physical, but rather a spiritual feeling. As the feeling surged through me, I realized my "sin" was still with me. Sexual fantasies of incest had followed me through the years, and even in the recent past I had masturbated while thinking incestuous thoughts. Perhaps it was necessary to confess in order to purge myself of these thoughts. I was already beginning to feel an enormous relief from just having spoken to the priest.

As I talked I noticed that I was having some trouble seeing the priest through the eyeglasses which I was wearing. It almost seemed as if I were wearing two sets of lenses, one over the other, and they were interfering with each other. I tried to adjust the glasses so I could continue talking.

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