Dream of: 14 November 1995 "Thwarted Destiny"

I was with Birdie. Birdie had been my first love from 1968 to 1972, during my last two years of high school and my first years of college. She had been beautiful – slim, well-proportioned, and with raven-black hair. However, our ways finally parted in 1972 and she began seeing another fellow named Rick. Nevertheless, even while she was seeing him, she and I still sometimes went out, and during that period she became pregnant. There was a question of who was the father. Rick, being either more noble or more stupid, married Birdie, and a baby girl named Brandi was born in February 1973.

I only saw Brandi a few times up until the time she was three or four years old. Birdie always tortured me by telling me Brandi was mine. And there was no denying the resemblance to me. However Birdie would never agree to a blood test, and when I told Birdie that when Brandi was old enough to consent I would ask Brandi to take a blood test, Birdie disappeared from my life.

But now I was with her again. I was driving a car and Birdie was sitting next to me in the front passenger seat. We seemed to be in Portsmouth, our old stomping ground. We had discussed the matter, and I had agreed to marry Birdie. But as I drove around, I began having second thoughts about the matter. I liked Birdie and it somehow seemed natural, somehow destined that after all these years we should actually get married and live together as husband and wife. In fact it was amazing that we had been apart for so long since at one time I had thought there was no other woman in the world for me.

Yet my doubts were overwhelming. I knew Birdie needed help with Brandi (who was still a small child), and I knew I was able to give that support. However I questioned the wisdom of my becoming involved with Brandi. It seemed the wheel of destiny was about to roll over and crush me, and I was unprepared to let that happen. Suddenly I knew I couldn't marry Birdie. I had to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. I didn't know exactly how I was going to do that, but it was at least clear that I definitely wasn't going to marry Birdie.

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