Dream of:25 September 1995 "Loveless"
I was in a foreign country in a second or third story apartment where Walls was living. The building was rather run-down, and somewhat resembled the building of my Quebec City Apartment (where I lived in the summer of 1986). I was lying on my back on the floor in the living room. I felt quite disoriented. Apparently I had been taking some drugs and had been on a rather lengthy binge. Although I basically knew what I was doing, I was in such a state that everything seemed fuzzy. But at least I felt safe in the apartment because I knew Walls was here.
From where I lay, I could see Walls sitting next to a blonde-haired woman (probably in her early 20s). I slowly realized the woman had picked up my billfold, which apparently had fallen onto the floor; she was going through the contents, showing Walls what she found. I watched as she pulled out some credit cards; along with several gold credit cards I had about two hundred dollars in cash in the billfold. My bar card showing that I was an attorney was also in the billfold; I wondered if the woman would be impressed when she saw the bar card. I had quite a bit of other junk in the billfold and I wasn't even sure what all was there. I either thought or said, "You can tell a lot about a person by looking in their billfold."
The woman, who seemed quite interested in the contents of my billfold, finally stood, walked over to me and sat down on my crotch. Now that I could see her more clearly, I realized she wasn't nearly as young as I had thought: she was probably about 40 years old. She had a very straight nose and somewhat resembled Sandy (a woman who worked in the Chapter 13 bankruptcy trustee's office in Fort Worth). Although I still found her attractive, she wasn't as becoming as I had originally thought. Nevertheless, I enjoyed her presence, and I said, "Who are you? I like you."
Still holding my billfold in her hands, she asked me questions about the contents. I could see a used airplane ticket sticking out of the billfold, and on it I could read the word "AeroMex" written in large purple letters on a white background. I told the woman that Walls and I had gone on a binge a couple weeks before and had taken off. We had first gone to Mexico, and then had traveled to Canada.
As the woman continued to look through my billfold, I could tell that she thought it was odd that I didn't have any pictures in my billfold; I wasn't in the habit of carrying pictures. The woman gently put her thumbs on top of my closed eyes and murmured, "It might be a little strange, too, being loveless. How to live without love."
I knew she had made the statement because I didn't have any pictures in my billfold. Since she didn't find any, she didn't think I had anyone to love. But I knew I actually did have people who loved me
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