Dream of: 01 September 1995 "Black Mud"

My sister and I were in a house in Portsmouth, where we were living with my father. As I was sitting in the living room, it suddenly dawned on me that my father had been absent for two days. I recalled that around 10 p.m., two days earlier, my father had said that he was going to the store to get something, and that he would return in a short while. I distinctly remembered having seen him leave; he had looked as if he were about 40 years old; his hair had still been black.

Now, two days later, he still hadn't returned. His absence hadn't bothered me until now, but suddenly I realized something must be wrong if he had been gone for so long.

I called to my sister and told her to get ready, that we needed to go and look for our father. She came to me and without delay we walked outside, boarded my red 1986 BMW, and drove off. I was sitting in the driver's seat, and my sister, instead of sitting in the passenger seat, was sitting on the middle console right next to me.

My sister didn't look like herself. She had long black hair and was wearing braces. She seemed in her late teens, and resembled the actress Juliette Lewis. She was wearing a dress and as I drove off, I put my right hand on her bare left knee. I would have moved my hand farther up her leg, but she kept her knees pressed tightly together so I couldn't position my hand between her legs.

I thought we could report our father as a missing person to the police, but I first wanted to see if we could find him. I decided we should first look for him on the Gallia County Farm and we soon found ourselves on a country gravel road, headed for the Farm. On the way, I told my sister we needed to think of every place where our father might be, and then we would go there. As I thought, it occurred to me that our father might be with his mother (my grandmother Mabel) in the home into which she had moved on Eighth Street in Portsmouth. I said to my sister, "He's at grandma's."

That would account for why my grandmother hadn't been calling our father every day as she usually did. But suddenly it occurred to me that another reason might account for my grandmother's not having called: my grandmother might have died. The thought that my grandmother had died became so vivid in my mind, I immediately concluded it must be true. I turned to my sister and said, "Grandma's dead."

My attention to this troubling thought was quickly interrupted by an unusual sight. We were deep in the country not far from the Farm, with forest all around us. However to our left was a large field, in which (to my surprise) were standing several elephants. Although seeing elephants running wild in that area was extraordinary, I knew some elephants did in fact roam around there.

I slowed down the car and pointed out the beautiful elephants to my sister. At least two large adult elephants had six or seven small elephants near them. The elephants awed me and I felt extremely fortunate to be able to see them. I felt as if elephants symbolized something special for me and as if my seeing them there had some meaning, but I couldn't at the moment divine what that meaning was.

The elephants (obviously alarmed by our presence) began moving away. At about the same time I heard a gunshot in the woods nearby. Obviously hunters were in the area. How sad that hunters were out. Only a few elephants still remained in the wild like this and they had little chance of surviving much longer against the hunters.

All the elephants were quickly dispersing into the surrounding woods – all except one, a large male with long tusks. I could see the male in my rear view mirror, on the road about 50 meters behind us, striding in our direction. I quickly pushed the gas pedal to take off, but to my chagrin, the car would barely move. I frantically kept pressing down on the pedal, but the car hardly responded. I cried to my sister, "The car won't move and there's one bearing down on us!"

Gradually the car began to pick up speed and I was able to pull away from the elephant, which disappeared from my view. But now up ahead, something else caught my eye. The body of a large animal was lying in the road and blocking the entire right side. At first I thought the animal must be an elephant which one of the hunters had shot, but when we were almost upon it, I saw the animal wasn't an elephant, but a dead buffalo.

As we drove to the left side of the gravel road to pass the buffalo, I noticed how strange it looked. Most of its body had already decayed and the head was sticking straight up in the air. I could see right through the eye socket to the empty air behind it, the back of the skull being missing. Lying on the ground were large white horns which were out of proportion with the head – three or four times the expected size.

I also realized the buffalo hadn't been killed by hunters. Wild buffaloes often crossed the road there. The buffalo had needed to climb up a steep bank to reach the road at that point. This buffalo had obviously had difficulty crossing the road, and had died in the process. It seemed appropriate for the buffalo's body to be left there.

Once we had passed the buffalo, I saw the Farmhouse on the hill ahead of us; now my thoughts returned to my father and my grandmother. Although my thoughts seemed confused, I abruptly remembered I had overheard my sister talking to someone earlier in the day on the phone. When I asked her about the conversation, I realized she was about to cry. When I probed more, to my astonishment, my sister admitted that my grandmother had called my sister earlier in the day, and had told my sister that our father was staying with my grandmother. I was utterly flummoxed. I couldn't understand why my sister hadn't told me this. Why had she basically lied to me?

As we pulled up at the bottom of the hill in front of the Farmhouse, still trying to collect my thoughts, I stepped out of the car. When my sister also stepped out of the car, I picked her up in my arms, intending to carry her up to the House.

Right in front of me, at the bottom of the hill, was a large muddy area. I plunged into the mud, sinking up to my waist, but managing to hold my sister above the mud. As I plowed through the mud, I thought that at least when we reached the Farmhouse, I planned to have sex with my sister. I recalled our having had sex together many times in the past. Although I anticipated she didn't particularly want to have sex today, she would probably acquiesce. She obviously felt guilty about having misled me about our father's whereabouts, and I was sure since she felt so guilty she wouldn't refuse having sex with me. As I pushed through the mud, I thought to myself that she didn't realize how hard it was for me to have to carry her like that through the black mud.

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