Dream of: 16 July 1995 "Moscow"

I was alone in Moscow for a few days. I had boarded a bus, which also seemed somewhat like an airplane, and had been riding around the city. As the ride neared its end, and we reached a plaza where I would be let out, I asked the bus driver if he knew of any other rides which I might be able to take. He said there was a train that gave rides around the city. It was the type of train that one might find in an amusement park for rides around the park. He told me he could sell me a ticket for the train for three dollars. When I said I would take a ticket, he laid a wad of bills near me. I also pulled out a wad of about 20 bills, all of which were large denominations except for a few ones. I peeled off three one dollar bills and placed them on top of the other bills which the man had laid down. He gave me the ticket and I got out.

Near the square where I had been let out I could see the small platform for the train, but the train wasn't there. Realizing I would have to wait until the train returned for the next ride, I began walking around the public area. I was still uncertain what I would do with all my time while in Moscow. I saw some advertisements for tours, and I thought I might be interested in one.

The plaza was peppered with people standing and sitting. I stopped for a few minuets and listened to two people talking, thinking I would like to see if I could understand any of their Russian – it had been so long since I had spoken any Russian. To my surprise, after listening a while, I realized  about half of the words sounded like German. However the German sounded strange and garbled to me. I thought the people must be speaking a dialect of German.

When I finally stopped and stood still in one place, a group of people (in their late teens and early 20s) gathered near me. One fellow, who seemed the leader, pulled out a little metal pan, like an aluminum pie pan, and put a small piece of a dark substance in the pan. The fellow (probably in his early 20s) had blond hair and was casually dressed. He resembled the actor Gary Busey, and indeed his name was Gary. He was dressed in a colorful shirt and beach shorts, and he seemed to have a reputation for sharing whatever he had. As he continued his activity with the pan, the more I watched, the more involved I seemed to become with the group, until finally I felt as if I had joined them and as if I were sitting with them. They seemed to welcome my presence.

Also near me was an English woman (probably in her early 20s) who seemed to have joined the group in the same manner I had. Although I didn't realize it at the time, she looked very much like Carolyn (with whom I had had an affair with about 15 years before). She had blonde hair, a striking face and a splendid figure. I was immediately interested in her.

I was also interested in the activity of the group, and I gradually realized the substance which they had put in the pan was heroin. They were in the process of heating it. They said it would be ready in about 10 minutes, but after only about a minute, smoke began to float up from the heroin just as smoke might rise from a piece of incense. People began putting their faces over the smoke and inhaling. The heroin was offered to me, and with little hesitation I put my head over the pan and inhaled deeply.

I faintly felt the effects of the heroin – a vague numbness swept over me. The feeling was pleasant and I thought the English girl should try it; but she seemed reluctant. With some prodding from me, she acquiesced and also breathed in the smoke from the heroin. I detected an immediate change in her: she seemed to lie back in a peacefully languid and lethargic state of mind.

***

The English girl and I were in a hotel room. She was lying in one of the two beds in the room, obviously still feeling the effects of the heroin. I also could still feel the heroin.

Our room was on the ground level and I was sitting on the floor by a window. All windows were open but had screens in them. Outside I could see some people from the group who had been using the heroin. One person hollered to me that the group was going to take a trip to a neighboring mountain where there was a lookout, and invited me to go. I knew the trip was going to be a bit risky, but I wanted to go anyway. I also wanted the English girl to go with me, but she looked as if she were exhausted. However, I didn't let that stop me. I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her up. I thought to myself that we had become an item. She was so malleable in my hand I knew she would go wherever I wanted.

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