Dream of: 11 July 1995 "The Massage"

I had gone to the house of a fellow who lived in the country near Portsmouth, and while there, I had decided to let him give me a massage. I remembered the last time I had been in Portsmouth someone had told me that Steve Adams (a fellow I used to know in Portsmouth around 1970) had a house outside of town and that he now gave massages for about $50. When I now arrived at this fellow's house, I thought he might be Adams, but I quickly saw he wasn't. He was tall and thin with blond hair, and looked as if he were about 30 years old.

I lay down on my stomach on the floor of his living room. As he sat down on my butt, I told him I had never had a massage in all my life. I wondered (and I had the feeling he also wondered) if my bones might therefore be brittle and might possibly break with too much pressure. Nevertheless he began applying pressure with his hands to my spinal cord. He continued for a while, then stood up. When he came back in a few minutes and again applied pressure on the spinal cord of my upper back, I felt a crack, and I gave a low moan.

As absorbed as I was in the massage, I didn't notice that other people had walked in and sat down on some couches in the room. When I finally did notice, I saw three couples of men and women sitting there. All looked as if they were in their early 20s. After a while, one fellow said he recognized me. He went on to explain to the others that I used to sell marijuana in Portsmouth years ago. He said that I would sell to anyone who asked and that the first time I had sold to him I hadn't even known who he was. He had just pulled up to me in a car and asked for some marijuana, and I had thrown a baggie full to him.

I knew what he was saying was probably correct, and I recalled that in my late teens I had been wild; I had done many things that now seemed almost incomprehensible. Yet after all these years, I still liked to smoke marijuana and the mention of marijuana made me remember that I had heard that the fellow who was working on my back might have some marijuana. Indeed, a joint was being passed around, and after lifting up my upper body, I held out my hand so the joint would be passed to me. When I took a hit, I immediately had the feeling it wasn't very powerful, and someone else said as much. I took another hit, but still didn't feel anything.

Now my attention was drawn to the three women sitting on the couches. All were attractive and all were wearing low-cut blouses so much of their breasts was visible. In fact, one moved once so the nipple on one breast could be seen. I had the feeling these couples came there to party and switch partners. I thought I would like to take part in such activity. I knew I didn't have a partner with me, but I thought they might let me participate anyway.

In the meantime I lay back on my stomach and the fellow continued with the massage. I now noticed he was putting small staples into my spinal cord. I could clearly see what he was doing, even though I couldn't feel anything. I didn't object, even though I wondered about the wisdom of putting staples into my body.

I was however beginning to feel something different. I realized I could feel his penis pressing against my back; but I knew nothing sexual was taking place. What I was feeling was quite different. I was feeling as if some kind of power which I had never experienced was being released from my body. It was if another being was coming out of me. I had never quite had that particular type of feeling and I was a bit awed by it.

Suddenly I felt as if the massage were over and as if I were actually in another place. I wondered if I had paid the fellow anything for the massage; I was afraid I had left without paying. But then I realized I wasn't in another place at all. I was still lying on the floor and the fellow was still giving the massage. I must have fallen asleep for a moment and had simply thought I had left. I would still be able to pay him after all. I wondered if $20 would be enough.

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