Dream of: 26 October 1994 (2) "Disoriented"

I found my crippled brother Chris (about 14 years old) sitting alone at a table in the kitchen of the Gay Street House. Concerned that he was alone, I asked where everyone was, and Chris explained that my mother had left in search of my father. I knew that spelled trouble. My mother and my father had recently begun seeing each other again. However, I felt sure that my father was still seeing other women; if my mother had gone looking for him, there was a good chance she would find him with another woman.

The kitchen had been remodeled. The bathroom next to the kitchen had been completely walled off so the bathroom could no longer be reached. Likewise the door leading to the porch had been walled off. Actually it looked as if a dresser had been set in front of the door, and instead of a mirror on top were two rectangular boards (about 130 centimeters by 30 centimeters), one on top of the other. It looked as if the boards had wallpaper on them. The boards, however, were loose, and hadn't been well-placed. As I adjusted them, I asked Chris who had put the boards there; he indicated a woman who had been doing some cleaning around the house.

As I worked with the boards, I had to clear some things off the top of the dresser. Lying there was the book jacket to one of my books. The jacket showed a black man perhaps in his mid 30s, dressed in white, playing a musical instrument, perhaps a piano. The book was about rhythm and blues. I thought I needed to take the jacket so I could put it back on the book.

When I heard someone at the front door, I walked into the central living room where I could see someone standing at the door on the front porch. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see my father (about 40 years old) standing there. He was clearly disoriented, and in fact, he didn't even seem like himself. He was wearing a blue tee-shirt, uncharacteristic for him. He seemed so highly agitated, he could hardly speak. From what he was able to say, I quickly gathered that my mother had found him and there had been problems. My first concern was that he might have hurt, perhaps even killed, my mother. I put my right hand on his chest to try to calm him down. When I slowly asked him if he had hurt my mother, he seemed unable either to comprehend or respond. I asked again, becoming more concerned. Although he never answered my question precisely, from what he did say, I began to become convinced that my mother was all right.

I led him into the den beside the kitchen, and I had him sit down on the couch. As he sat, I noticed how overweight he was. A disgusting amount of flab on his stomach, encased in his blue tee shirt, was hanging over his pants. I told him to tell me what had happened, but he seemed concerned that Chris, whom he called, "Mister Chris", would hear what was being said. I assured him not to be concerned, that Chris knew what was going on anyway.

He began talking. I gathered that my mother had found my father with his German girlfriend, Christa. Christa was quite different from my mother; Christa never questioned my father about where he went, whereas my mother had to know everywhere he was. Christa didn't have to be concerned about whether my father was with another woman, because she didn't try to control him. My mother was just the opposite. As my father talked, I could see that it simply wasn't going to be possible for my father and my mother to continue seeing each other.

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