Dream of: 22 September 1994 "Nostalgic Days"

My father, Carolina and I had been traveling around from state to state; at present we were in Colorado. As we rode along, I looked at the mountains; how nice they were. But, I was becoming somewhat jaded by all the traveling; I no longer seemed to be deriving much benefit from it. I was rather tired of just traveling from town to town.

In my mind I had formed a mental image of a lake not far from where we were. I was underwater in the lake, and could clearly see something which looked like a large crab with pinchers floating along in the water. It was quite beautiful under the water. I thought some people went skin diving here with special warm suits. It would be nice for me to try skin diving here in one of the suits.

***

Carolina and I were in a hotel room where we had spent the night. It was about ten o'clock in the morning. I learned that Birdie and her daughter were also staying in a room on the floor above us. Carolina had gone up there to see if they were there. When Carolina returned, she told me she had seen Birdie and the daughter. Carolina said Birdie had been patting the fat little cheeks of the daughter. She said Birdie didn't seem particularly happy to know that we were here. Birdie didn't want to relive the old "nostalgic days" when she had known me.

Nevertheless I wanted to see Birdie, and I especially wanted to see her daughter to see if she looked like me. I thought the daughter was about 7-8 years old now, which would be old enough so I should be able to tell if she were mine. I didn't know whether when the daughter saw me that she would realize that I looked like her.

I needed to act quickly before Birdie left. I told Carolina to again go upstairs and ask Birdie if it was all right if I came up now. Carolina left, and while she was gone, I began pacing around the room. I was somewhat overweight and wished I had lost some weight before seeing Birdie and her daughter. But it was too late now. Carolina quickly returned. She said the door to the room upstairs was shut and that no one was there. Birdie had probably left. Birdie's mother might also be in the hotel, but I wasn't sure.

I was very upset. I knew this had been a chance which I had finally had to catch Birdie, and I had blown it. It was amazing that we had both been in the same hotel. It occurred to me that this whole situation with Birdie, her daughter and me would be a good subject for something like the Donohue show. If I were on the show I could explain how I hadn't seen the daughter in all these years, even though I had wanted to, because Birdie wouldn't allow it. I would explain how Birdie had gotten married right after she had become pregnant. After that I had thought it was best for me not to get involved with the daughter's life. But now that the daughter was old enough, I thought it was time to confront the issue. I had all along thought when the daughter was old enough, we would see each other.

As I sat there trying to think of what to do, I noticed a couple roaches on the floor. They made me think that this must not be a very good hotel. I knew it was called the Crown Hotel. The name had made me think it would be a good hotel; but apparently I had been wrong.

I quickly decided I was going to try to find Birdie. I told Carolina to get ready, that we were going to go throughout the hotel. Birdie didn't know how to drive, so we might catch her at the bus station. I told Carolina to get her stuff ready so we could go and find Birdie and her daughter before she left.

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