Dream of: 27 June 1994 "My Favorite Person"

Wheat, my friend Kim (a woman a few years younger than I whom I first met in Portsmouth in 1977), and I had gone to an apartment located on the second or third floor of a building. Our intention – as I understood it – was for Wheat and I to take turns having sex with Kim. Although I thought I would be first, when Kim (in a white nightgown) and I lay down next to each other on a bed, Wheat lay down on the other side of her. I turned away for a moment, and when I looked back, Wheat was attempting to kiss Kim. I had my hand on one of her legs, feeling how soft it was. Almost immediately I could see that Kim was reacting adversely to Wheat's advances, and that she soon rebuffed him.

***

The three of us, somewhat shaken, were standing in the living room, when my mother walked in carrying my brother Chris (about 5 years old), whom she put on the couch. Chris was already severely afflicted with muscular dystrophy. I approached him, almost at a loss as to how to treat him. Almost on impulse I reached down and picked him up, asking my mother at the same time if Chris had lost some weight. She answered that indeed he had lost a great deal of weight. I pulled him to my chest, amazed at how light he felt.

I wanted to introduce Chris to Kim, who was standing beside me. I told Chris that this was Kim standing there. I then turned to Kim and said, "This is ... Chris."

I just barely whispered his name, however, because I was so choked with emotion, I could hardly speak. I was suddenly overwhelmed, and I felt like crying. I gulped out, "This is my favorite person in the whole world." I then whispered to Chris, "Did you know that?"

Chris didn't respond to anything. He just hung on to me as best he could, his eyes moving around the room. My thoughts were fuzzy. I only wished I could hold him more; I regretted how little time I had dedicated to him. I also realized I was holding him so he couldn't see the people in front of me; I thought I should turn around. I also remembered that Chris lived in the apartment and that he was used to seeing everything in it every day.

I walked with Chris toward a couch where my father was sitting; I now realized it was actually my father who had earlier been in the bedroom with Kim. My father (probably in his early 40s) had no gray in his hair and was well-dressed in a suit. I thought he might want to hold Chris, and as I walked toward him he indicated that he did. When I had almost reached him, however, with a casual, brusque movement, he indicated I should just set Chris on the floor near a lamp, where my father could simply look at him.

I continued holding Chris in my arms as my father brought up the incident with Kim. He clearly didn't like her. He said he didn't know what kind of relationship I had with her, but he didn't like it. I protested that I didn't have any kind of relationship with her, that this was the first time I had tried to have physical contact with her. But no matter what he said, I intended to stay there with Kim after the others had left.

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