Dream of: 22 June 1994 "Dirty Fingernails"

I had gone away to another city where I was supposed to attend college. Only when I arrived did I realize I was going to be sharing an apartment with Buckner, Walls and Louise. But as soon as I found out Louise was going to be there, I became agitated. She seemed as if she were perhaps in her mid 20s and was quite beautiful. I wanted to be with her again, but realizing that wasn't possible, I began to sink into a deep despair. I didn't want to attend classes, and in fact, I could hardly function. I felt as if I were in a daze, and I only wanted to get away.

***

I was in Portsmouth, still depressed because I couldn't see Louise. I thought I might visit Lane to see if he had any drugs, especially marijuana, which I could buy. I hoped he would have some potent marijuana, not just ordinary stuff. I knew where he lived and I intended to head there.

***

I was in a large building where many people were gathered. It seemed that I knew many of them, as if they might be having some kind of class reunion. But it also seemed as if most of the people were in the military, that it was some kind of military gathering. Anderson was standing by me; I told him I wanted to leave. I began talking to him about Louise, telling him what had happened at the college. I told him I thought I had been completely over her, but when I had seen her there, I had fallen apart.

As we headed for the door, I noticed that someone had started performing on a stage. Looking closer, I realized it was Grierson (a fellow I used to know in Portsmouth), who had long black hair and looked as if he were in his early 30s. He was seated at a piano, where he was doing a comedy routine. I thought to myself that he had become a comedian. On the keys of the piano were tiny figures of people whom he would pretend were talking as he pressed the piano keys. He could only play the most rudimentary piano, and basically used the piano as a prop in his routine. It seemed as if I were watching him on a television, and when the camera focused in on his fingers, I told Anderson to look at how long and dirty his fingernails were.

Anderson and I walked on toward the exit where some men dressed in military uniforms were sitting. They offered us some food as we were leaving; I took some.

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