Dream of: 17 March 1994 "Cleaning A Mirror"

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I was with my second cousin Jeff  at the House in Patriot. Jeff was tall and thin, and looked as if he were in his 30s. He was talking about a play in which he was taking part. I thought about how I would be afraid to stand up in front of a large audience. I would be afraid I would forget my lines. I asked him if he had forgotten any of his lines during the play, and he said he hadn't. He then quickly recited his lines, which consisted of three or four short sentences. Now I understood why it had been so easy for him to remember. I said, "Well, its not like Hamlet."

What I meant was that there weren't many lines to remember, like there would be in a play by Shakespeare. Jeff said the play was probably only going to last one more day. He said something about it having received headlines yesterday. I thought he meant that the play hadn't been well received and would be canceling.

I mused on what would happen to the people in the play. They would probably all disperse and perhaps never see each other again. I even had an image of them in my mind, about 20 people sitting together as if they were having a picture made. I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger in the group. I knew he had taken part in many different movies, meeting many people and then going on. I wondered what would happen if he ever had a homosexual sexual encounter with someone in a movie, if he would ever see them again.

I thought about my own situation. I might be leaving where I was working and not seeing Wheat and Melanie anymore. I didn't like parting from them, but I thought that our parting was similar to the parting of people who had worked on a play or movie. When the work was finished, it was time to move on.

Jeff meanwhile was working on a large mirror which covered one whole wall of the room. I thought he was cleaning it, but it also looked as if he were putting brown paint on it. I saw that some beige paint had been dripped on the mirror, and I remembered that once I had been painting in the room and had dripped the paint on the mirror. I started to try to scrape a little off, but Jeff said not to worry about it. Apparently what he was doing would take care of it.

My great-aunt Dorothy Ressinger walked in. She lived there in the house. She seemed healthy and spry, and looked as if she was in her 60s. She asked me about my father and my mother. I told her that yesterday my father had beaten up my mother and he had also hit me. I recalled that my father and I had had a terrible fight. I knew it had affected me deeply, and that I had decided not to have anything more to do with my father.

Dorothy mentioned that a female relative of mine liked me very much. Apparently she was my cousin. I asked Dorothy how old the cousin was and Dorothy said she was 16. Dorothy said she would invite her to come over tomorrow. I was very interested. I remembered I had recently raped a woman and I thought if my cousin were attractive, I might rape her. I was looking forward to seeing her.

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