Dream of: 10 May 1993 "Wanting To Be A Writer"

I was on the Gallia County Farm with my step-grandfather Clarence, who was waiting for a couple of his neighbors to come with a grader and another piece of heavy equipment to do some work there. I thought how he had been smart in the past because he had helped the neighbors with some work, and now they were going to come and help him do some work he needed done. As we waited, I walked around to the side of the Farmhouse to urinate. As I stood barefoot in the grass, I noticed some small ants crawling on my feet. At first I moved my feet, but then decided it didn't make any difference and I just let the ants crawl on my feet.

When I walked back into the living room of the Farmhouse, I could hear some people arriving, and I saw a woman (probably in her 40s) walk into the kitchen where my grandmother Mabel was. My grandmother told the woman I was a writer, and the woman walked into where I was. She was a bit overweight. She asked me if I was a writer and I said, "Yes."

She also was a writer and was quite popular. I wondered what she wrote. I also wondered whether she lived in Gallia County or in Ohio. She asked me what I wrote, and I said, "Oh, things dealing with dreams."

As she began talking about writing, I began to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to explain to her that I was also a lawyer, and that I didn't spend a lot of my time writing. I just wanted to write more than anything. When I explained that to her, she shook her head knowingly, as if she understood that I wasn't really a writer, that I simply wanted to be a writer.

I began thinking it would be nice if I knew someone like her to whom I could regularly show my writing and get an idea of how to improve it. But as we continued to talk, I became more uncomfortable, and finally I walked into the bathroom. With my clothes still on, I sat down on the commode.

I began thinking Carolina and I had recently broken up. I was now about 30 years old and I was once again going to be alone. In a way that bothered me, in a way it didn't make any difference to me. It did seem odd that I wasn't going to be living any more with anyone.

A woman (probably in her late 20s) walked into the bathroom. We knew each other and I was attracted to her. I was just getting ready to brush my teeth. But before I could start, she took the toothbrush from me. She then put the toothbrush in my mouth and began brushing my teeth for me. It was a rather unusual feeling, and I was uncertain whether I liked it.

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