Dream of: 04 March 1992 "Imagination and Reality"

Carolina was riding with me in a rented car which I was driving. We came to a resort next to a large lake where we intended to spend some time. Seeing I was low on gas, I pulled into a gas station. Just as I did so, I saw a woman in a bathing suit walk across the gas station lot. She was wearing a thong so I could see almost her entire butt. She was also wearing a shirt, but when she reached her car she took off the shirt. Her back was to me, and all I could see was a tiny string across her back for her bikini top. From the back she almost looked completely nude. I knew Carolina was watching me gawking at the woman; but I didn't care, it was such a sight. The woman boarded a car with three other scantily clad women. Obviously they were going to the beach, and I thought it would be nice if we could be somewhere near where they were.

When the women pulled away, I got out of the car and started pumping gas. I heard someone in the car tell me to put $52 worth of gas into the car. But as I watched the gauge on the gas pump, I realized price of gas was extremely expensive in this resort area, and I stopped the pump at $32.

When I finished pumping, I climbed into the back of the car, which seemed like a jeep or bronco. My brother Chris (12-13 years old) was in the back with me. I also had a telephone, which I picked up and began using to talk with an official of the park near the lake. He started telling me about places which I could visit around the lake. But he also mentioned that four or five black people would be at a certain point on the lake, and he hoped that wouldn't upset us. He made several derogatory comments about black people, clearly showing that he was racist. Finally I said it didn't bother me, that I didn't feel that way about black people, and I didn't care if they were there or not. I could immediately tell that he didn't like what I had said. But I said it anyway, and then hung up.

As we continued along, I finally realized my uncle George was driving the vehicle. We headed down a little road which led us to the lake, but when we reached it, we saw that there was no place to park. The road was getting very muddy and I told George not to go on. And when we saw a small road going off to the left, I also told him not to take it; but he insisted and took it anyway. I was afraid we were going to get stuck. I hollered around the side to where he was driving that we were going to get stuck. I knew he was crippled and he couldn't even get out and push if we became stuck. So what would we do?

I was also concerned about the rent we were paying for the vehicle, which was costing us about $25 an hour. And when I saw the lake, I began to realize what the catch was with the rental of the vehicle. The lake was so beautiful that although people would plan on only renting the vehicle for a couple hours, when they saw the lake they liked it so much they would usually stay longer. And indeed I did like the looks of the lake.

George kept driving until we reached the main road again, with the lake down on our right. As we pulled onto the main road, I saw two large brown furry animals which looked like seals, although they were definitely not seals. The way one of them stood up on its hind legs reminded me of a seal. It was about a meter tall when it stood up on its hind legs. The animal looked as if it wanted some food. I thought if I had any I would throw it to him, but I didn't have any.

As we pulled onto the main road Chris almost fell out of the back of the vehicle. I had to grab him and straighten him back up.

***

I was at a hotel in the resort area. Some kind of seminar or conference was taking place and I, along with about 20 other people, was taking part. I was looking for the room where the seminar was going to take place and when I found it, I walked in and sat down. A woman was standing in front of the room and speaking, asking different people different questions. I put my hands behind my head. I wasn't even wearing a shirt, so my arm pits were completely exposed. Finally the woman speaker asked if there was some kind of smell coming from me. I said there probably was because I had just come from the lake. I thought I had been near some animals at the lake and I might have picked up some odor from them; but it didn't really bother me.

The woman continued asking questions, until she finally began asking the others questions about me. Three men, one after the other, made negative comments about me. A woman then said something positive about me. One man said I was the kind of fellow who would be working in the shadows with a knife. I didn't like the comments, but they didn't bother me that much either.

Finally the woman turned to me and asked if I would like to make a comment about myself. I thought she wanted to know what I really thought about myself and what kind of person I was. I thought for a moment, and then told her I was more of a dreamer. I told her I didn't need to be in reality. In my mind I imagined a forest scene with a couple young deer in it. I told her I could imagine things in my mind which would compensate for my lack of a sense of reality. I explained that I didn't substitute my imagination for reality because I knew there was a difference. Nevertheless I could dream of things and satisfy my needs.

I was also thinking of telling the woman that the men had made such negative comments about me because they were jealous of the numerous experiences I had had with women. I thought I was attracted to women, and women were attracted to me. I thought that was the reason the woman had made a positive comment about me.

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