Dream of: 18 June 1991 "Institutionalized"

I was in Portsmouth, sitting on the passenger side of the front seat of a car which my mother was driving. My sister was sitting between us. We reached a place in a residential area where we were on a hill and had a view of part of the city below. My sister said something about how my father's friend, Roach, and I used to drive a car with a bathtub in it to this place, park, and look out over the city. I wasn't exactly sure to what she was referring, since I didn't remember doing any such thing.

My mother continued driving to a part of the town where I hadn't been in many years. We passed three movie theaters which had been closed down. Then (close by) we passed three more and then a third set of three, all closed. I commented about how at one time people would have had a choice of nine theaters in that small area.

As we continued along, I became angry with both my mother and my sister. I had been staying with my mother, but I told her I was going to move out this very day. I didn't have a car and I would have to buy one. I was going to be glad to get away from both my mother and my sister.

My mother stopped the car and I took a little red clock (encased in clear polyester) which belonged to my sister and I threw it on the pavement outside the car, smashing it. I picked it back up without their having seen it and stuck it under the seat. Actually I rather regretted having smashed the clock and I hoped they wouldn't see what I had done.

I looked at them and felt only spite for them. They even looked alike. I thought they belonged together and I would be glad to get away from them.

As we drove, I learned that about a week earlier, my mother had taken my brother Chris to an institution in Portsmouth and left him. My mother defended herself, saying Chris would be well-cared for there. When I questioned her, however, it turned out my mother hadn't even visited Chris one time in the entire week he had been there. I became furious and I told her to take me there immediately. I told her I would get Chris and take him to live with me.

***

We were in the cafeteria of the institution where Chris was staying. I was going through a food line to get some food to take to him. I asked what kind of soup they had and was told they had tomato and some other kind. They brought me a bowl of the other kind and I saw it had pieces of beef in it. I thought I would take it to Chris and let him eat the beef. Then I decided I didn't want to buy him any meat, and I exchanged it for tomato soup. I put two other non-meat items on my tray and then went to a table and sat down. My sister and my mother sat with me. Women who almost looked like guards stood at each end of the long table and I learned they had to watch people when they were here. I asked one of them why, but she didn't know. Finally my mother went up to see Chris, but she only stayed for about 2 minutes. She said that he didn't look unhappy and that there was no reason to stay longer. I was going to go up and see him next. I wondered what I would do if I found that he had defecated on himself and that no one was there to change him. Or what if he had been hit and was bruised? I was sure I was going to take him out of here as soon as I could.

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