Dream of: 21 February 1991 "Keeping My Dreams"
I had been in a small house where I didn't live; I was only visiting. I had been here since about 5:00 o'clock, waiting for Carolina. She was supposed to arrive at 7:00 o'clock, and it was now almost 9:00 o'clock. When she and another woman finally arrived, Carolina walked in without giving me any explanation about where she had been. She looked more mature than normal, and a little unlike her normal self.
Even though I had been waiting to go somewhere with her, she and the other woman sat down and began eating something. Angry and upset, I also realized she had been with another man, someone named David. She seemed in a good mood, and I wanted to talk with her about the matter. But she didn't want to talk.
I picked up a pale-colored, wooden, kitchen chair and threatened to hit Carolina with it. I slammed the chair onto the floor and broke off the back two legs. I grabbed Carolina and acted as if I were going to hit her; but I didn't. I told her I wasn't going to see her anymore. All the while, however, I felt as if I didn't really want to break up with her, because I really liked her and wanted to stay with her.
She acted as if she were unconcerned about the whole affair, as if it didn't make any difference to her. I had the feeling, however, that she didn't really want me to break up with her; she just wasn't going to stop me if that was what I really wanted.
I wanted to get Carolina away from the other woman so I could be alone with her. I wanted her to explain to me what was going on with her and the other man. Finally she and I sat down on the couch and I told her she needed to tell me about the other man. She didn't want to tell me anything. I told her she needed to tell me. I told her she could even bring him to the house and have sex with him, as long as I was there. However, I didn't want her to see him unless I knew about it. She still wouldn't tell me anything.
I jumped up and stormed out of the house. She followed me outside; I told her I was never going to see her again. But I realized I probably would see her because we were still married. We would still have to get a divorce. I began thinking about the money which we had in the bank; I could see she thought about it at the same time. I realized I needed to get to the bank to take out the money before she got to it. As she started walking away, I thought that she was thinking the same thing, and that she and the woman were going to head to the bank.
I followed her back inside. I had already decided I cared too much about her to leave her. I sat down by myself in a small chair and contemplated the matter. I had $150,000 in the bank. If it came to a choice of giving up the $150,000 or her, I would give up the $150,000. At least if she would stay with me, I would give up the $150,000. It would be rough to give up the money. I would have to start everything all over again. The only thing I wouldn't give up was all the dreams I had written. That would be a crime. The only thing I wouldn't give up for her was my dreams.
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