Dream of: 04 August 1989 "Nature Of Knowledge"

I was busily taking the wheel off a vehicle which was jacked up. After removing the wheel, I took off four bolts which were part of the wheel mechanism. I became concerned about whether the jack was going to be able to hold the vehicle up. It seemed as if I were doing something wrong, and as if I should have a wheel to stick under the vehicle to keep it from falling. I certainly didn't want it to fall on me.

Stepping back from the vehicle, I saw that it was actually a tractor, and that I was in the middle of a large plowed field which vaguely seemed like the field in front of the Gallia County Farmhouse, and it seemed that my step-grandfather Clarence might be working elsewhere in the field. But it also seemed somewhat as if it was my friend Jon and not Clarence who was working in the field, and as if it was Jon's parents who lived on this farm.

It was growing late; I wasn't going to have time to finish putting the tire back on before darkness fell. When I had taken off the tire, many small metal pieces had been attached to the wheel; the pieces were now lying in the field beside the tractor. Some pieces seemed like junk, but some seemed like tools. A small black drill bit was even among the pieces. It would seem proper to pick up all the pieces before I quit for the day, but since I would be returning in the morning to finish putting the tire on, I thought it would be all right to leave the pieces lie out tonight.

Later, I was in a clerk's office at a courthouse; I had been talking to a woman whom I was representing on a criminal charge. I had been negotiating with the prosecutor, who had made a plea bargain offer of a sentence of ten years probation for the woman. The woman wanted to accept the offer. I asked her if she had ever been convicted of a felony. She told me she had been convicted twice of felonies. I immediately saw that we might have a problem. In order for the woman to receive probation, she must disclose whether she had been previously convicted of a felony. Usually the prosecutor wouldn't give probation if the accused had been convicted of a felony.

I looked over my file and found the woman's criminal record. One prior felony was already listed in the file. Since the prosecutor also had this same file, the prosecutor must already know that the woman had been convicted of one prior felony. So even with the one felony, the prosecutor was still offering probation. But what concerned me was whether the woman had actually been convicted of a second felony. I needed a clerk there in this office to look up that information for me.

When I looked around, I didn't see anyone. About seven dollars was lying on the counter; how easy it would be for someone to take the money. Apparently someone else had been there to pay something, and finding no one there, had simply left the money and a note beside it saying what the money was for.

I walked outside; when I walked back in, no one was there yet, and the money was still lying on the counter. I decided to sit down and wait until someone arrived. I sat for quite a while, and perhaps even dozed off, because when I looked around again, perhaps ten clerks were busily at work in the room. Finally a fellow asked me in a friendly tone whether he could help me. I explained what I wanted, and the clerk immediately began working on it. I had the feeling that the clerks had instructions to always help an attorney as quickly as possible.

The place seemed friendly; it might even have been the clerk's office in Weatherford, Texas.

When I was later alone somewhere, I began thinking about my future. I wasn't content with what I had been doing. Suddenly it occurred to me that I should begin studying philosophy formally in a university. I could even use French and German; I could read French and German philosophers in the original languages. Poetry might even be mixed in with the study, because I thought early philosophies were written in the form of poetry. I could first study in the United States and obtain a bachelor's degree in philosophy, then go to Europe and obtain a doctorate degree.

What kind of philosophy would I study? I thought one of the first things would be the nature of knowledge. That should certainly prove to be interesting enough.

I thought about Rembert Glass and how he had studied philosophy. But now he was dead; in a way, I would be taking over his place.

In my hand I was holding a picture of the library at the University of Guadalajara. I remembered this building well; just looking at the photograph made me feel nostalgic about being there. Perhaps I could do part of my studying there.

I thought about the Ressinger House; maybe I could live there while I attended college. Perhaps my great-aunt Dorothy could let me live in an upstairs room. But then it occurred to me that Dorothy no longer lived in the House.

***

Vickie and I had started seeing each other again. I liked being with her very much, but now I had decided to make some fundamental changes in my life. One of those changes was that I wasn't going to have sex anymore. I talked to Vickie about it; she seemed to understand, even though she clearly wasn't going to stay with me. She said something about my now being able to live with my brother Chris, with whom she seemed to imply I had been having some kind of romantic relationship. I immediately let her know that although I loved Chris, there was nothing sexual in my relationship with him. But I wasn't going to be staying with Chris either. I knew he was either going to die or go away.

Vickie left; after she had gone I missed her. I knew she would never be back. But I was sure I had made the right decision and I felt good about it.

***

I was sitting in a theater watching a movie. I had come alone, but I had sat in an area where several other young people were sitting. I felt good right then because I had made some changes in my life which I felt were going to be beneficial. I thought that one thing that was going to happen to me was that I was going to become more humble. Some people around me began talking to me. One person asked me where I had been for the past year. I told him I had been in Mexico for a while and then in Europe. But then I thought I was sounding pretentious, as if I were bragging about traveling. So I added that I had also spent some time in my Cabin in Ohio. I explained that I had built the Cabin myself from large logs. But that again sounded pretentious to me, as if I were bragging about having built the Cabin.

The movie ended and I made a deprecatory comment about it. I immediately thought the comment was uncalled for; it served no purpose for me to criticize the movie.

We decided to leave; we just drove off. Apparently I had been sitting in the car the whole time at a drive-in movie. As we slowly traveled down a little road, we saw five or six people in a group to the side; one seemed to be rolling a cigarette. I immediately concluded it was marijuana. Someone else in the car also noticed it, and we all decided to back up and see if we could buy some of the marijuana.

The driver backed up right next to the people. One person was holding what looked like a white envelope stuffed full of marijuana. Just as I asked if he would sell us some, he threw the marijuana down on the ground and took off running. I opened the car door and scooped up a handful of the marijuana. Some of it on the ground appeared to have become wet, but I picked up some dry.

It suddenly occurred to me that one of the changes I had made in myself was to stop smoking marijuana. And here I was just about to do it again. I felt quite uncomfortable; I didn't know exactly how to get out of this dilemma. When I looked at the marijuana, it occurred to me that it might not be marijuana at all. It had some stems in it which didn't look exactly like marijuana stems. Some rather large brown seeds were clearly not marijuana seeds. I passed the substance to the front and said it was definitely not marijuana. I said I had seen those types of seeds before, and I was sure they weren't marijuana seeds.

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