Dream of: 25 June 1989 "Feeling Guilty"

I had killed a man by stabbing him to death one night while he had been asleep. I could vividly remember plunging the knife into the man several times until he was dead. After killing him, I had left, and I had never been discovered. No one suspected me as the one who had killed the man.

Now I felt guilty about the murder; I couldn't seem to put it out of my mind. Having decided to confess what I had done, I wrote a letter which detailed the murder. I would probably send the letter to a newspaper.

After writing the letter of confession, I stuck it in my pocket and went out with a woman who reminded me of Carolina. We cared very much about each other, and on the way to a restaurant, I told her about the murder. I also told her about the letter of confession I had written, but after discussing the matter with her, I realized perhaps I shouldn't confess the murder. What good would it do? I would simply be put in jail, probably for about 20 years. It didn't now seem to me that being in jail would help the matter.

I decided to destroy the letter. I thought about going to the restroom of the restaurant, tearing up the letter up and flushing it down the commode. But I was afraid that someone might somehow be able to recover the pieces and put them together. No, I thought the only way to handle it was to burn the letter. Had I made copies of the letter? Had I already sent a copy to a newspaper? No, I was sure I hadn't done that.

But even if I didn't confess and was never captured, I still needed to deal with the feeling of guilt I had for having killed the man. I didn't really feel bad that the man was dead. I didn't seem to be able to feel anything toward him. Rather I just regretted that I was the one who had killed him. Perhaps I could seek professional counseling help. I would like to talk with someone about it. But could I really go in and tell someone I had killed someone? Could I trust someone with that kind of information? I didn't think so.

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