Dream of: 11 June 1989 "Preparing To Dive"

I was standing in the front yard of the Gallia County Farmhouse, surrounded by five or six dogs which were pets here. One large German Sheppard began growling at me and showing his teeth. I talked to him and began moving away, but he stayed right beside me, threatening me. Finally I spat out a big piece of steak from my mouth for the dog to eat. He grabbed it up in his mouth. I spat out some more, some of which hung like spittle from my mouth until it finally fell off. While the dog was distracted, I managed to slip away.

I walked over to the west side of the Farmhouse, which had a wire fence along the side of the yard. Beyond the wire fence the hill rose up toward the Cabin. I would like to go through the fence and get away from here right now. But I noticed that along with the regular strands of barbed wire on the fence, someone had strung up a second wire fence. I walked back and forth along the fence looking for some way to cross over. It would really be nice if someone were to put up a small gate here. Finally I decided I would have to go down to the bottom of the hill and cross over where the gate was.

***

Somehow I had obtained a tiny, plastic, cellophane bag which had some orange powder in it which I thought was LSD. There was probably enough powder for three or four dosages of LSD. I walked over to the side by myself and snorted about a third of the powder into my nostrils.

***

I was driving a car away from the Farm. Cathy and some other people were in the car. After a while, I began feeling the effects of the LSD, and I decided it would be better if Cathy drove. So I stopped the car and she got behind the steering wheel, while I got into the passenger seat. She continued driving along country roads which seemed familiar to me, although I couldn't place exactly where I was. Someone mentioned Ramey's name and said that Ramey would not know where this place was. I chimed in that Ramey would recognize this place, because he used to come and pick me up on the Farm.

As Cathy continued on, in my eyes her driving deteriorated quickly. She seemed to just be barely keeping from wrecking. I realized now I was feeling the effects of the LSD, and that my perceptions might be faulty, but I felt sure she was driving dangerously. Finally I told her she was going to have to pull over so I could take over. She said she would, but she continued driving anyway. I repeated my demand several times, each time with the same result: she said she would stop, but she just kept driving.

Finally, in desperation, I opened my car door as if I were going to jump out. At last she stopped the car and I got out. She then continued on down the road and left me standing here. I watched the dark-colored car pull up to the top of a rise, and appear to come to a stop. But then it continued on out of sight and with a somewhat sinking feeling, I realized I was out here all alone. I also realized I was feeling the effects of the LSD, and that I still had some more LSD in my pocket. I decided I was just going to go ahead now and take the rest. It had probably been an hour or two now since I had first snorted any, and I was unsure whether I would get the full effects of the rest if I took it now, but I was going to anyway. I was also unsure whether I was going to snort it or eat it.

But first I began looking around at my surroundings, trying to place exactly where I was. The place seemed familiar, and I thought I knew how to get out of here, but I really didn't definitely recognize anything. The road almost looked as if it only had one lane, and all around were green trees. Now I noticed a car had come down the road and turned into a small lane not far from me. It occurred to me that this might indeed be a dangerous place to be. I was completely alone and unprotected here. If someone attacked me, it could prove disastrous for me.

I began walking along the road in the direction away from where the car had turned in. Finally I decided to run. Starting to run, I realize I was wearing a long, green army coat, which impeded my running. And besides, how would it look if someone were to see me running out here in a long army coat? So I stopped running and began walking again.

I thought maybe I would just go over into a field along the road and sit there until the effects of the LSD wore off. But the problem was that I was only wearing a pair of short pants under the army coat, and I was sure mosquitoes were here which would start biting me.

I trudged on until I came to a crossroads. There was a sign here which I tried to read, but it didn't seem to make much sense to me. All the roads leading off the crossroads appeared to be nothing more than one-lane muddy roads. I chose the one going straight ahead and began walking up it. But after traveling a short distance, I began sinking in mud up to my knees. I quickly turned around and walked back.

Now over to one side, I saw something quite strange. It looked as if there was a lake out there and as if people were gathered around it swimming. I walked to the side of the road to look closer and on the other side of a fence I could see people swimming in what appeared to be a recently built lake. I was quite amazed by the sight. Looking closer, I also discovered a sign which gave the prices for going in. The prices were by the hour, and were rather expensive. And I now realized I only had a one dollar bill and some change in my pocket. So it appeared I wouldn't be going in.

I walked along the fence until I came to an area where I was right next to the lake, and inside the fence was a diving board with people taking turns diving into the lake. Some other people, mostly children, were also gathered on the outside of the fence here, watching the people on the diving board. I thought these children out here likewise couldn't afford to go in.

The people on the diving board appeared to all be well-built muscular men (probably in their 20s). One fellow with a thin waist and muscular arms and shoulders walks up to the diving board to prepare to dive.

Just at this very moment a most startling thought sprung into my mind: I had been having a sexual affair with a boy who was only 4 years old. The realization of what I had been doing was so startling, it practically made me sick. Although I hadn't considered it a homosexual relationship, I now realized this could affect the boy for his entire life, and he could turn into a homosexual. The thought of what I had done was overwhelming. I told myself I was definitely sick, and that I must immediately seek professional help.

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