Dream of: 11 April 1989 "Dubious Distinction"

I was sitting in a the back pew of a rather small church. Probably 30-40 people were scattered around the other pews; a service appeared about to begin. Clifford (whom I first met in 1964 when we started the seventh grade together) was sitting in a pew in front of me to my left. My mother was sitting in a pew not far from me. I had noticed how certain people tended to sit in the same seat every week. It seemed as if small groups congregated in certain areas and almost seemed to develop a possessory interest in those particular seats in which they regularly sat. I myself had had a tendency to stay in the same area for a few weeks and then move to another area. In fact I found my movement from area to area was almost a form of rebellion and I contemplated how I might invade the territory of other people.

As the service began, the female minister was addressing the very issue about which I had been thinking. She was talking about how some people apparently came into the church and deliberately moved from place to place in the hopes of stirring up problems. I was sitting slouched way down in my seat; I and the fellow sitting with me on my left smiled and even laughed slightly. Suddenly, without warning the female minister pointed directly at me and said that I was disrupting the service. She was obviously going to say more, but without waiting for her to finish, I stood and said I would leave. I said that I had never been ejected from a church before and that indeed I knew of few people who had. I considered it a rather dubious distinction. However, I stated that I would go without further incident; I headed out the back door.

As I left, I heard her saying that she had had no intention of asking me to leave, but that she had merely wanted me to move to a different location. But I paid no attention and walked on out to a room immediately behind the room I was in. The minister followed me and stopped me. As she stood in front of me, I took a closer look at her. She, like I, was dressed completely in white and she seemed to be wearing pants instead of a dress. She had black hair, was quite a bit shorter than I, and was about 30 years old. I found her quite attractive physically, and now realized I was also attracted to her spiritually. I could also now see that although she had never indicated it in any way, she was quite attracted to me.

As she continued telling me that she hadn't meant to eject me, I put my arms around her and pulled her to me. She didn't resist, but told me that I must not do that because if someone were to see the two of us like that, she could lose her job. Satisfied that she did like me, I let her go, and she continued talking. She began telling me how I could be a big help in the church; I knew if the two of us worked together, I could have a strong influence. She talked about how I could help first-graders to stop stealing cars. It seemed that auto theft had escalated to an alarming degree, and that I could play a role in stopping it. However I was reluctant to go back into the church with her. My pride told me it would seem as if she had somehow conquered me, and I was unsure I was willing for that to happen.

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