Dream of:02 April 1989 "Transforming Sorrow To Anger"
I was at theHouse in Patriot, where I had been sleeping in a bed with my sister (about 15 years old). When I awoke feeling cold, I rearranged the blue cover and blue sleeping bag over us both, being sure to throw them over my sister's feet. I didn't have to give her any of the cover, but I did so because I knew she was cold, too.
I felt uneasy sleeping with my sister becausemy father and my mother were also in the House. Finally, I stood up and decided to sleep alone in the next room, the front living room. But after I had settled into a bed in the next room, I thought about how if I had stayed with my sister, she probably would have let me feel her breasts, and no one would have known about it. But it was too late now to go back.
I lay in the bed and remembered that I was there becausemy grandmother Leacy had recently died. I looked over the room and realized the House itself was different now that my grandmother was gone. Every time someone died, the House changed.
I had risen and walked into the kitchen/dining room where my father and my mother were. I began complaining about having not been notified of my grandmother's death until more than a day after her death. I had even learned that my father had been at the House when my grandmother had died of a heart attack, and I accused him of having not done anything to help her. Apparently she had died about 10:30 in the morning, and although my father had been in the House since several hours earlier, he hadn't taken her to the hospital. I became quite angry at my father and I said some nasty things to him. I thought he might try to hit me, but he didn't. But even though I felt angry at him, I realized because I didn't want to feel the sorrow for my grandmother's death, I was actually transforming my sorrow into anger at my father.
I was in Mexico City, Mexico, thinking I wouldn't inherit anything from Leacy. And I also thought whenmy grandmother Mabel died, I wouldn't inherit anything from her because my father had convinced Mabel to make a will which left everything to him. Perhaps I should return to Ohio to talk with Mabel about including me in her will.
I was leaving an area which appeared to be a coliseum and I was headed to downtown, to the area where I was living. It was night and the street was crowded. I was carrying two brown paper sacks of groceries which I had just bought. But now I regretted having the sacks because carrying them the long distance to my abode would be cumbersome.
I walked a short distance down one street, until the street appeared to turn into a dead end. Three young Mexican men were there; each had bought a different brand of canned beer and the three unopened cans of beer were sitting on some cement in front of them. Apparently the men had just finished buying the beer and were getting ready to drink it. One man commented about how good it was to drink beer.
I walked on until I came to a group of perhaps 20 young men who were all drinking beer. Then I saw another group of men drinking beer. Apparently, here in the confines of the city, these people had nothing better to do with their time than try to escape their unhappiness by drinking beer.
The area was beginning to look a little dangerous. I had some money in my pocket which I thought about putting in my sock. But I didn't want to stop to do it. Instead, I turned around and walked back toward the coliseum. I felt fortunate when I saw a policeman in a blue uniform. I approached him and asked him in Spanish how to reach downtown. He pointed to some people crossing a street and told me to follow them to the buses. He also told me the numbers of two buses which I could take, one of which was number seven.
I followed the people and now felt much safer. Up ahead I saw the buses and began looking for my numbers. But so many people were crowded in here. Every time a bus pulled up, people immediately began crowding and shoving, trying to get on it. I waited for a while as buses came and left. Finally I thought to myself that I simply needed to take a taxi, which probably wouldn't cost that much there. I didn't know why I hadn't thought of that before.
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