Dream of:26 September 1988 "God's Nature"
Waking from sleep, I had the vague feeling I had been dreaming. Sensing something had awakened me, I looked around, and saw a man standing in the room. He was middle-aged, of average height, and slightly overweight.
Slowly I began to recall where I was. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room of the house of some people who reminded me of my parents. I knew that the man was also a guest in the house, and that while I had been sleeping on the couch, he had spent the night in a bedroom. Since it was now about 8 a.m., he had already risen and was preparing to leave. He apologized for having awakened me, and disappeared back into the next room.
I continued to lie on the couch, thinking I could now rise and occupy the bed which the man had vacated. Surely the bed would be more comfortable than the couch. I had ended up sleeping on the couch because there hadn't been enough beds; but now one was available. However the idea didn't much appeal to me and I thought I would probably just get up. Finally I simply stood up and pulled on my pants.
For some reason, I began wondering if the man had been using the little gas heaters which were located in the old fireplaces of this house, just like the heaters in theGay Street House. I figured if the man had been cold, he would have figured out how to use the heaters.
Now on my feet, I walked over to another bedroom door (not the one where the man was), opened the door and looked inside. I saw a black-haired woman who was my mother, lying in bed with another black-haired woman, who looked oriental. Although they had a sheet over them, they were obviously both nude. I thought about how good it would feel to crawl into the bed with them.
I was entering a library, which seemed as if it might be in Columbus, Ohio. It was still early morning and my mind seemed almost numb. It was difficult for me to even think; and that was part of the reason I was here – to start my mind functioning again. Specifically, I wanted to read more about the nature of God. But I didn't want to read myths and religions; I wanted to read philosophy. I wanted to learn something germane about God's nature.
After descending to a reading room in the basement, I scanned my surroundings and was drawn toward a rack of books written in German. One book on history caught my eye. Whatever subject I chose to read, I thought it would be best to read in German. I wondered if I were ever going to move to Germany. I longed to live there. But Germany seemed farther and farther out of my reach.
Noticing some books which only seemed to have a few pages, I decided to read one of those, because I would like to read something which I could finish for a change. As I sat down in a chair with my back to the wall, a fairly attractive woman sat down at a table not far from me, facing me.
I began reading and quickly became absorbed in the book. After a while, I noticed the woman had moved into a seat right next to me on my right. I was surprised to see her so near me, because I hadn't even seen her move.
As I continued reading my book, which now seemed more like sheets of paper than a book, I leaned quite far back, held one of the papers over my head and looked up at it. The light shining through the paper seemed to allow me to read the words better.
Finally a female library employee walked up to me and rapped out a warning that I wouldn't be able to continue staying here if I were going to sleep. Apparently she had thought because I was leaning my head back, I was dozing. I explained to her that I was just leaning back to see the paper, and that I wasn't sleeping. I figured the woman sitting on my right had been watching me and could vouch for me. I thought of asking her to do so, but I didn't.
The library woman walked away, allowing me to begin reading again. But instead of reading, I spoke with the woman next to me. Gradually I realized she was a lawyer and that she was going to have her first jury trial the next day. Knowing that I had previously handled jury trials, I felt rather experienced. However, even though I discussed the matter with her, I wasn't much interested in what she was saying. What the woman was doing to me was far more interesting – as we had been talking, the woman had reached her hand over between my legs and had begun massaging my penis. I wasn't quite sure, but I thought she might have even pulled my penis out of my pants.
Suddenly the librarian walked up again, saw what was happening, and indignantly informed me that we must cease our activity. Since I didn't want to create a scene, I stood up and walked away.
I didn't walk far before I encountered several people who all seemed to be lawyers whom I recognized. I sat down and spoke with them about law. Since they seemed to like hearing me talk, I indulged them by describing some legal cases on which I was working. I directed the conversation to how I was defending some clients who had been charged with drug offenses.
I became rather adamant in stating that I rarely accepted plea bargain agreements from the prosecution any more in such cases. I explained that I was now requesting jury trials in those cases, because I didn't believe that there should be any laws against drugs in the first place. As I spoke, I knew that one woman here in the group opposed my ideas, and I directed most of my attention to her. I talked about how each person had the right to determine what he or she would put in his or her body. Society, I said, had no right to impose criminal penalties for such actions.
I was walking along a beach, looking for a woman whom I was supposed to meet – perhaps the oriental woman I had seen earlier in bed with my mother, perhaps the woman who had sat next to me in the library. Her identity wasn't exactly clear.
The beach seemed to run along a peninsula and I strolled all the way to the end without encountering the woman. When I reached the uttermost tip of the peninsula, I realized the beach was covered with ice and snow. On the beach itself stood a large pool of water frozen over with ice. A couple of holes about the size of a person were in the ice, as if someone had fallen through.
When I turned to head back down the peninsula, I noticed a sliver of a path through the ice and snow, and decided to follow it. I enjoyed it when I began sliding along on the snow. Even when the path led uphill, I was able, by shifting my weight, to continue sliding.
The path began withering until it finally led onto a narrow ledge, wedged between a wall on my left (between me and the beach) and a sharp drop-off of perhaps 20 meters on my right. The ledge was barely wide enough for me to walk on. Down below me on my right I could see other ledges which appeared to be wider than the one I was walking. Although my ledge was narrow, I thought if I would simply continue edging along it, I would finally pass this precarious area. But it just looked too dangerous to continue. However, at this point, it also looked too dangerous to try to turn around and go back.
Finally I noticed a little girl walking behind me. Wanting to pass me, she somehow managed to slip by, and intrepidly continued unhampered along the ledge until she reached the spot where the trail was once again safe. But I was sure I wouldn't be able to do the same thing, and I began looking for some other way out of my predicament. Finally I realized it was possible to stretch my arms up to the top of the wall on my left. I was wearing gloves, and with my glove-clad hands, I began scrabbling the surface of the top of the wall, which seemed covered with frozen dirt and a few plants. I pulled my hands back down and pulled off the gloves so I could feel better. When I reached up to the top again, the cold didn't seem to affect my hands, and I was able to pull away enough dirt and plants so I could get a good grip on the top of the wall. Once I had a grip, I was able to hoist myself up to the top and stand erect.
Standing atop the wall, I could once again see the ocean and the beach below me, as well as several old men who were sitting at a nearby table, looking out over the ocean. I also noticed, right below me in front of the wall, a pool of warm-looking water. Without giving it much thought, I decided to dive into the pool. Just as I dove, I sensed that one of the old men had fumbled for one of my feet. But he missed, and I was able to complete my dive into the tepid water.
Under the surface, I opened my eyes and was surprised to realize I could see under water as well as I had been able to see on the surface. Even from under the water, I could see the beach area. Although the water didn't hurt my eyes, I realized I wouldn't be able to stay submerged in the water long.
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