Dream of: 08 July 1988 "In God's Hands"

My head was squeezed firmly between Leah's legs, my rapacious mouth pressed up against her white panties. As my lips covered her tantalizing pubic area, I lightly bit and caressed her with my teeth. I would have liked for her to remove her panties, but I knew she refused to go that far. Bringing my right hand over top of the front of her panties, I started to slip my fingers inside them. I thought she was going to frustrate me; but before she could act, I felt my encroaching fingers touching her pubic hairs, which I knew would be blonde. Agleam with desire, I caressed her, sliding my fingers down farther, finally reaching the lips of her vagina, all the while keeping my mouth in the same place, pressed up against her. She was obviously aroused; I just wished she would let me take off the panties.


Leah and I were sitting side by side on a couch, with my right arm around her, in a house which vaguely reminded me of the House in Patriot. Leah commented about how short her dress was. She was wearing a skimpy green dress which (due to her legs being curled up under her) revealed much of her bare thigh.

I still wanted to make love to Leah, and I was trying to understand why she didn't want to participate. It was now December and I had been seeing her for about eight months. I knew she liked me, and I probed for the reason why she wouldn't have sex with me. As I questioned her, Carolina's name came up.

In a flash it became clear why Leah wouldn't have sex with me she wanted me to stop seeing Carolina. In fact, as it turned out, apparently Leah even wanted to marry me. I was stunned. I hadn't even suspected Leah wanted me to stop seeing Carolina. Now I understood much better.

The fact was, I had been seeing both Leah and Carolina for many months with no problems, and I had tended to think the situation would simply remain stable. I said, "I thought the three of us would just go on together."

I now realized the proposition sounded a mite absurd. Obviously Leah wanted me to make a choice between her and Carolina. At first the demand seemed simple enough, and I thought I would simply put the matter in God's hands and do as God directed. Trying to meditate on what God wanted, I vaguely felt as if God were instructing me to go with Leah.

I immediately began thinking of Carolina and I tried to visualize what it would be like if I were to leave Carolina. I had already become so fond of Carolina, to abandon her now would be difficult. And I considered how Carolina would feel. I thought that she had also grown attached to me, and that she would be sad and lonely if I were to leave her now. Doing such a thing would be extremely difficult for me.

I looked blankly into space this was a much more difficult decision than I had expected. Obviously I cared deeply for Leah; but I was tightly welded to Carolina and I didn't want to leave her. I simply abhorred making the decision. I would rather continue as we had been, but obviously I had to decide. I turned back to Leah and asked, "How old are you?"

She replied, "Thirty-four."

So she was only a couple years younger than I, much nearer to my age than Carolina, who was almost 20 years my junior. And clearly Leah was more mature than Carolina. But the idea of simply deserting Carolina was extremely unpleasant. Would I be happy with Leah? I reflected back on some married couples with whom Leah and I had been acquainted in law school, such as Cosby and his wife, and Donna and her husband. They had seemed close in age and had appeared happy together.

As I lay next to Leah, I looked at her and joked that she was too old to find anyone to marry her. She laughed out loud and said that wasn't true. I realized she was correct it would be easy for her to find someone to marry, she was such a prize. Maybe what I should have said was that she wouldn't be able to find anyone who had never been previously married to marry her.

I continued to riffle my mind for a solution to my dilemma. What if I were to leave Carolina, and then Leah were to leave me? I was sure Leah wouldn't do that, but I asked Leah, "Yes, but what if I got linked up with you today, and you were tired tomorrow?"

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