Dream of:15 January 1988 (2) "Non-Believers"
I had unexpectedly encounteredmy ex-wife Louise in a far-away place where many people were milling around in a carnival-like atmosphere. At first I was unsure I would be able to speak with her, but after we had both sat down near each other for a meal, we began talking. Although somewhat withdrawn, Louise seemed happy to see me. I was certainly glad to see her, and happy to be able to finally talk with her after such a long time.
When the food was brought out, we were both handed plates of salad. Sitting smack in the middle of each salad was a beer can with red markings. Louise was obviously going to drink her beer, but I had to stop and reflect about whether I would drink mine. It seemed as if I hadn't drunk anyalcohol for a long time, perhaps three years. I would like to try some again; I thought having just one beer might be good for me, to put me in a livelier frame of mind. The only thing holding me back was the recollection that I had recently made friends with some women who didn't drink anything alcoholic and I was unsure how I would explain to them I was drinking again. Perhaps not drinking anything at all would be better after all.
Louise appeared to be about four months pregnant and she definitely didn't seem as attractive as she used to be. I was still glad to be there with her and she seemed happy to be with me. However, I knew she was now married, and I sensed she was a bit nervous, afraid her husband might walk in and discover her there with me.
Just as I was running out of things to say, I recalled I had had a dream about Louise the night before. I explained that I hadn't written the dream, because I hadn't remembered it well. But I did remember parts. I recounted that in the dream Louise had had a cavity between her two upper front teeth and that one upper tooth had appeared broken. It had been an ugly sight – I was unsure what it had meant. I only knew teeth with cavities were significant in my dreams.
I related to Louise that at the end of the dream she had been saying something like, "Lord, please listen to me." I couldn't recall exactly what I had replied to Louise in the dream, but since I didn't think she believed in God, I thought I had said something like, "The Lord does not listen to non-believers."
When we had both finished our meal, Louise and I stood up and walked around until we entered a poky room with two beds. The room was clean, but poor, almost like the interior of a shed. The lackluster walls were constructed of wood slates which permitted the light to flow in through the cracks. Feeling comfortable there, I joked that this would be the kind of place which Louise would have to inhabit if she lived with me.
When Louise sat down on the edge of one bed, I sat down on the side of the other, so we were facing each other. Continuing to talk about my dream, I mentioned she had been pregnant in the dream; but in the dream I hadn't said anything to her about her pregnancy. I also mentioned that in the dream I had compared her toBirdie (my girlfriend during my late teens).
I told Louise that in the dream, I had basically rejected her and I had left her. I explained that the dream had been a turning point for me, because it had been the first time I had ever been able to leave her. I added that my dreams of her had dwindled to perhaps only once a month. Louise responded that she sometimes dreamed of me, and that she always wanted to be with me in her dreams. Her statement interested me, because more than anything, I wanted to know whether she had missed me after our long separation. Finally I moved over beside her on her bed and kissed her. We ended up stretching out on the bed next to each other, continuing to kiss. Although I felt good lying next to her, the sensation just wasn't the same as it used to be. I had wondered for so long if Louise wanted me to return to her. Now I realized that she was just another woman, that she no longer held any overwhelming allure for me. The realization made me slightly sad, because I had once had such strong feelings for her. Yet at the same time, finally being free of those feelings felt uplifting.
As I finally stood from the bed, I realized I hadn't told Louise much of what I had been doing lately. I mentioned I had recently enjoyed spending a month in Australia, which I had found to be extremely beautiful. I also related that while I had been in Australia, I had been captured, held hostage for a while and badly beaten. Nevertheless, I told her I thought I would probably return to Australia some day.
I stepped out of the room for a moment. I intended to return to the room and stay longer with Louise – I liked seeing her again so much. But I realized I was now free from her – and that was a good feeling. She simply no longer had the hold on me which she used to have. Outside, I noticed a couple other attractive women. One blonde seemed to know me. I spoke to them as they passed, and I thought about how free I now felt to meet other women.
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