Dream of: 05 December 1987 "Society Girl"

I was the driver of a large bus which was the lead bus in a convoy of three buses. When I pulled off the road into what appeared to be the yard of a house, the other buses followed and stopped behind me. People began descending from all the buses for a short rest and I walked around behind the bus to urinate. There was a big metal pan here in which I might urinate; but then I noticed some other people and decided to wait.

I walked back onto my bus. Some others were already re-boarding. Among them was a woman (probably in her 20s), obviously from India, dressed in Indian clothes. She had long black hair, large dark eyes and dark skin. She also had a young child walking along with her. She stood next to me on my left and I could tell that she was attracted to me, but I really didn't want to get involved with her. However, I decided kissing her would be acceptable. I bent my head around and gave her a short kiss on her lips, which seem inexperienced.

***

I had arrived at a house where my good Dallas friend Eloise was living and I was sitting at a dining table with Eloise and another person. Eloise had been describing a house into which she had moved in Colorado; but it also seemed as if the house we were in was the house she was describing and that we were in Colorado. She had also been talking about inviting a lot of people up to visit her, but it also seemed that she had already done that and that the people, myself included, were visiting her right now. That seemed a little strange, because I was in the process of deciding I probably wouldn't go to visit her.

When Eloise was talking, she wasn't talking to me, but mainly talking to the other person sitting at the table. I had pulled my seat back a little and was mainly just observing. The table was covered with many different kinds of food; my plate was also piled with food, but I wasn't eating anything. Again it seemed a little strange that my plate was piled with food, because I had already decided I didn't want to eat with Eloise.

My state of mind was difficult to describe. Mainly I was thinking about and watching Eloise. I definitely didn't want to talk with her at the moment. I was seeing her in a new way, and I needed to focus on my thoughts without actually talking to her. I probably appeared rather melancholy to the others since I wasn't taking part in their conversation, but I wasn't sad. I simply didn't feel talking right now would be appropriate.

Eloise. It had taken months, but now I saw her much more clearly. It had been difficult to see her at first because she dissembled so well; she was so adept at camouflage. On the surface she tried to make herself seem so care-free. She tried to project a rebellious figure of someone who had rejected many of society's rules, but actually, I now saw that she was simply a society girl and that her acting as a rebel was simply her way of distinguishing herself in her social world.

It was important to her to maintain her role in society, while seeming to reject that role. That way she could have her Peugeot and her nice clothes, she could have her money and a nice place to live, while on the surface continuing to portray someone who rejected being materialistic. All that might not bother me much, except now I saw what it was doing to her. It was doing now what it apparently had done to her most of her life. She simply wasn't doing anything with her life. She wasn't accomplishing. She was sitting around talking and eating and pretending, and the result was that nothing remained. Yet she simply refused to change, and I felt impotent. It hardly helped to point out what she herself was already aware of.

So I sat back and I didn't take part in the conversation. Eloise glanced at me a few times, but she didn't try to force me to say anything. Obviously she could detect something was bothering me. Finally I took a fork and poked around at the plate which was full of many different kinds of food in front of me; but I didn't seem to have an appetite. I picked up a glass of cream and poured some over some fruit cobbler on my plate. Then I drank the rest of the cream.

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