Dream of:24 November 1987 "Pleasures Of Life"
A gigantic night club was filled with a throng of healthy-looking men and women (mostly in their 20s and 30s). Everyone was having a good time, drinking booze, and possibly using drugs. I wondered why I myself wasn't consuming any drugs or alcohol. It seemed to me that God must have created drugs and alcohol so people could have a good time with them. Why did I continue to feel that I must deny myself these pleasures of life, while others were able to freely enjoy them?
As I sat in the club, I looked through a thick newspaper and noticed several colorful pictures. Although I didn't usually use pictures from newspapers to makecollages, I thought I might go through this paper, cut out all the pictures and try to make an interesting collage from them.
Noticing that LaBrie (a female acquaintance whom I had met at the Dallas Zen Center) was sitting next to me on my left, I thought I would like to show her what I could do with the pictures, but she seemed rather chilly, as if she were upset with me about something. So I simply continued looking at the pictures alone. Finally I came across a round picture of the world with a hammer and sickle superimposed on it, clearly a symbol for the Soviet Union. I thought the picture would fit well somewhere in the collage. I wondered whether LaBrie would be able to see the significance of the picture.
Gradually, I began to notice something strange about my surroundings. The whole scene seemed somewhat distorted, as if everyone in the nightclub was under water, perhaps in a pool. Everything also seemed a bit unreal, as if we were on the set of a movie or television production, and as if all the people around me were actors.
It also appeared that even though drugs were available there, the distribution of the drugs was strictly controlled and was under surveillance. One man, dressed as a waiter, was involved in distributing the drugs. As I observed the waiter, a young woman walked up to him and used a ruse to obtain some drugs from him. After approaching the waiter, the woman stuck a necktie in his shirt pocket and asked him to hold the tie for her. Then she walked away. She soon returned for her tie, and when she retrieved it, she also pulled out a thin marijuana joint which the waiter had been carrying in his shirt pocket. With the waiter unawares, the woman quickly absconded.
Still seated beside me, LaBrie seemed to be in a dour mood. I had the feeling that she wanted to have sex with someone, but that sex wasn't permitted there. I also felt she was partly upset with me because she had wanted to have sex with me and I had rebuffed her; I simply hadn't found her sexually stimulating. I had vaguely thought sex with her might be interesting, but the idea really didn't appeal to me. Finally, LaBrie seemed to accept the fact that I wasn't interested, and she began talking a bit with me anyway. As we discussed the prohibition against our having fun in this place, I realized she also disliked all the prohibitions. And in the course of our conversation, she informed me that she was interested in having sex with the waiter – the one who had had the joint in his pocket.
I was unsure how, but I suddenly realized I now had the joint which had been filched from the waiter. Since LaBrie had been talking so openly about her sexual desires, somewhat opening up to me, I concluded that showing her the joint would be safe. Extracting the joint from my pocket, I held it up in front of her so she could see it, but her reaction was far from what I had expected. She was shocked that I would break the rules there and actually have a joint in my possession. Obviously showing the joint to her had been a mistake; and I realized that having pulled out the joint in a public place had also been a mistake.
I suddenly felt quite apprehensive that someone else might have seen the joint. What could I do with it? I reached down under the bottom of my right pants leg, rolled up my cuff a little on the inside, and slipped the joint inside the cuff. As soon as I had finished, however, I realized my cuff wasn't a safe place, and I thought I should have stuck the joint inside my sock instead.
Presently a sinister-looking man with slicked-back hair strode up. I recognized him as one of the people running the place. He casually but pointedly asked me a question which put me on notice that he knew I had the joint in my cuff. He simply wanted to advise me that I was in trouble, and then he walked away.
Extremely worried, I tried to think of what to do. I seemed to see myself following various alternatives. Perhaps I could stealthily retrieve the joint from my cuff and stick it in the back of my hair. Suddenly I saw the fellow walking back toward me. I seemed to see myself quickly grab the joint and stick it in my mouth. I chewed it up and swallowed it. What could they do now? Pump my stomach?
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