Dream of: 30 October 1987 "Love Song"

Birdie and I were at the House in Patriot. She had long black hair and was quite young and pretty. I was attracted to her, but at the same time I really didn't want to become involved with her because I realized it would be too troublesome. I sat down and minded my own business.

From where I was I could see the kitchen door; a woman wearing a blue print dress who resembled my great-aunt Dorothy walked in. I wasn't happy to see her. I had been staying there for a while and she had showed up for the last couple of Sundays. Today was also Sunday. But as the woman walked past me into the next room, I realized she wasn't Dorothy but some other relative. She seemed to have curlers in her head. I thought maybe I should get up, put my arms around her and hug her, but I didn't. Then I saw Dorothy actually come through the front door.

I talked with Birdie, who was sitting right next to me, and continued to note how attractive she was. She seemed to have been hanging around me a lot lately and I thought it might be nice if I could find someone else with whom she could become involved. But as I continued talking, I realized it wasn't actually Birdie with whom I was talking, but my first cousin Barbara.

I found Barbara to be very attractive. She seemed very young. I asked her how she had been doing. She acted as if she were happy with her life, but it seemed to me that she had been leading a rather boring life. She only had a few little social gatherings to go to, and she seemed to be bored. She still seemed to be dominated to some extent by her mother, my aunt Violet. Finally I brought up the whole subject to her and she asked me what I expected her to do with her life. I replied, "Well you could take a trip around the world."

She apparently had saved up some money; I thought she could use her money for such a trip. I knew I had recently taken a trip with my money. She responded, "Well, there's a time for that."

I said, "When? When you're ninety three?"

She seemed to be in a dilemma about what to do about her life. We continued talking about traveling, and she mentioned that I should have been an importer. I continued to try to encourage her to do something and I said that there was no time like the present and that if she were going to do something, she should jump into it and do it.

As we talked, I moved closer and closer. She was wearing a dress; finally I placed my arm on her leg. She noticed it. Then I took it away. I began thinking I would like to take her up into the attic and have sex with her. I was somewhat concerned that someone might catch us up there, but I thought we could probably do it. Finally I bent over and whispered into her ear, "Let's go up into the attic and you can make love to me."

She didn't seem surprised by what I have said. Actually she appeared to have expected it and seemed gratified that I was being honest about it. But she said she didn't want to do it.

I continued to think, however, how nice it would be if we were to go up to the attic. I might even recite some poetry to her. I thought of a poem I knew called the "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S.Eliot. The first line went through my mind, "Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky."

I also thought I might teach her a few words of Spanish up in the attic, although I realized it would probably be futile to try to teach her Spanish.

The thought of venereal disease also crossed my mind. I would want her to feel assured that I didn't have any disease. I felt confident she wasn't worried about that.

The idea of having sex with her was extremely appealing. The fact that she was my first cousin made the idea seem even more appealing. It occurred to me that I might have some other female first cousins, although I couldn't think of any right at the moment.

I felt quite up-beat and good while I talked with her. I asked her how old she was, and she said she was 23. I found her age remarkable because she seemed as if she were about 16 years old. But no doubt, she had already developed her sexual desires.

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